PEELING OFF THE ONION

i wonder why should we even dare to live a great life, find meaning... be happy... blah blah- in the end, we all die right?

i also wonder why we should satisfy worldly desires as if it is the air that we breathe. above all, i hate the idea of living at all.

i know there are some people who tried to push this kind of thought away from me. they successfully did it. but there are also those who tore me apart to the point of wanting to escape sanity. and one of them is you "sister", and lolo's death, and my mom. you all ripped me off from everything. well, i know life is no twilight or Jane austen. what the- i wonder why you should even do this to me. i am capable of being hurt too you know. i know you feel pain too. i do not care, i love myself above all.

recently, when that fight was over, which was not really cleared up. so what do you want. you can tell me how pathetic i was before. i understand that you have forgotten that i am capable of feeling pain too. i am so tired of this. shoot me with your words- you can never kill me. i know that this is past done- but i would not recover. maybe i still hate you. i just still love myself.

guess what. my life is starting to begin. and although i nearly ended it- you never did care, you were never there. now. i am gathering what has been left. i gave you most of my life. i am sorry i can no longer give more.

i wish you see me now. everything starting to change. like sunrise, like conception. like every word pertaining to beginnings. i cannot describe the kind of happiness enveloping me right now. and though it pains me that i cannot share it with you- even if i really want to. i am so sorry, if this is goodbye.

"I'LL Always come out beautifully"