too tired to write
too hurt to think
too much pain 360 degrees around me
you
you
andyou
thank you for this day.
I met people who fought for it
while I stay here
will wait surely
until he comes to save me again
or I will save myself
but thank you still.
I think both of us are selfish and with egos up above the sky
that made it wrong or what made it wrong is that I am crazy and you are not
I loved you so much and should not have said too much
so we are here in the middle of something unnamed
waiting for the wind to blow so we can let go
or hold on
you
have been perfect in every way that I see
I know that is not possible
I was too happy to notice
I believed in your words
So I willthrow the blame to you.
for making the fall hard and is this permanent?
I am just so tired of hurting waiting
so tired of everything
and you don't seem to even care
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
THE DOCTOR
I met this person whom I actually knew for a long time but now he talked to me. Its funny how we come to know people deeper than what the eye sees. And we draw inspiration from them and a lot more. I met him and I learned that all people are capable of feeling something and sharing it to the world. I envy that fearless unreserved passion for simple things and ventilating it through songs.
The world opens up things when doors close, I witnessed it true now. Chances never run out even if you waste them all. You regret and sulk but something always appears when you wait, like this person talking to me out of the blue.
I love meeting people because I think we are all the same. We always seek for things that we never knew and crave unrelentlessly for that. I believe that we all knew that unknown search eating its way to our mind and conquering our thoughts, our dreams. At a young age, we never meet them but we have them. As we grow, we realize dreams and inspiration. We realize life itself.
It is funny because this person I never thought could write and sing. My friends and I always group people by category and he is just out of the line. I became so fond of that voice. Indeed, this world will never run out of people who has that passion to thrive and thread unknown waters. I want to be like him too. Those who get out of boundaries, uncaring and unminding the hurt of defeat. I want to live.
The world opens up things when doors close, I witnessed it true now. Chances never run out even if you waste them all. You regret and sulk but something always appears when you wait, like this person talking to me out of the blue.
I love meeting people because I think we are all the same. We always seek for things that we never knew and crave unrelentlessly for that. I believe that we all knew that unknown search eating its way to our mind and conquering our thoughts, our dreams. At a young age, we never meet them but we have them. As we grow, we realize dreams and inspiration. We realize life itself.
It is funny because this person I never thought could write and sing. My friends and I always group people by category and he is just out of the line. I became so fond of that voice. Indeed, this world will never run out of people who has that passion to thrive and thread unknown waters. I want to be like him too. Those who get out of boundaries, uncaring and unminding the hurt of defeat. I want to live.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
SONG REVIEW : PALOMA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=OV1x_ZzxUYg
I fell in love with this song the moment I heard her voice. This is real music, when the distinct voice and the name of the singer does not mean anything but the song makes you freeze. I stopped for a moment to answer all the questions I have in this life. Indeed, I am young to ask questions and be confused of what life gives me today. I thank God for these songs.
So, I am here again evaluating and re-evaluating things about this and that. (Oh, I am really loving the song, listening while I am writing)
So, I am very much aware of the struggle I have to do or else I will fail. I just do not know what I am doing. But I will figure it out. " i know people..." these words from the song makes me think of those people who did it. This song tells me not to give up on myself and push things harder. I then have to know what I want and what I do not want, then everything will be black and white. I will find my way back to that person who was as tough as the mountains, unmoved by anything, and do this. I will do things on my own without cheating and lying to myself. I will not depend on other people's expectations after I find my own goals. And I shall not stop until I achieve it. I will not stop but I will stop sulking about my frustrations and blaming others for my mistakes. I will not get hurt and hurt. I will do what I have to do and be happy.
I will find myself.
See, singers should venture for words that give meaning. Instead of singing songs of sadness why not write songs that strengthen people or those that make people think of standing up. Like Jasmine Sullivan's Bust Your Windows, which talks about the girls who broke her ex's boyfriend's car window because he broke her heart. She fought and this singer tells other women to fight back.
Composers and script writers should do away from writing something that encourages acts against public policy like thinking you're the boyfriend of someone who already has one. Or that that insinuates brothers and sisters falling in love, like that Filipino Telenovela. It is just absurd we should take inspiration from this things. Inspiration means lifting up and fighting back. Life is a bitch indeed and we are not underdogs!
I am also thinking about Leona Lewis' song "RUN." It made me cry because the song spoke to me. "I won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz was also heart felt. These songs lifted me up. They are true artists because they made me feel like they have been there too and they succeeded. I do not like the songs that promote self-pity and sadness.
I will now turn off the music and go back to the real world.
I fell in love with this song the moment I heard her voice. This is real music, when the distinct voice and the name of the singer does not mean anything but the song makes you freeze. I stopped for a moment to answer all the questions I have in this life. Indeed, I am young to ask questions and be confused of what life gives me today. I thank God for these songs.
So, I am here again evaluating and re-evaluating things about this and that. (Oh, I am really loving the song, listening while I am writing)
So, I am very much aware of the struggle I have to do or else I will fail. I just do not know what I am doing. But I will figure it out. " i know people..." these words from the song makes me think of those people who did it. This song tells me not to give up on myself and push things harder. I then have to know what I want and what I do not want, then everything will be black and white. I will find my way back to that person who was as tough as the mountains, unmoved by anything, and do this. I will do things on my own without cheating and lying to myself. I will not depend on other people's expectations after I find my own goals. And I shall not stop until I achieve it. I will not stop but I will stop sulking about my frustrations and blaming others for my mistakes. I will not get hurt and hurt. I will do what I have to do and be happy.
I will find myself.
See, singers should venture for words that give meaning. Instead of singing songs of sadness why not write songs that strengthen people or those that make people think of standing up. Like Jasmine Sullivan's Bust Your Windows, which talks about the girls who broke her ex's boyfriend's car window because he broke her heart. She fought and this singer tells other women to fight back.
Composers and script writers should do away from writing something that encourages acts against public policy like thinking you're the boyfriend of someone who already has one. Or that that insinuates brothers and sisters falling in love, like that Filipino Telenovela. It is just absurd we should take inspiration from this things. Inspiration means lifting up and fighting back. Life is a bitch indeed and we are not underdogs!
I am also thinking about Leona Lewis' song "RUN." It made me cry because the song spoke to me. "I won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz was also heart felt. These songs lifted me up. They are true artists because they made me feel like they have been there too and they succeeded. I do not like the songs that promote self-pity and sadness.
I will now turn off the music and go back to the real world.
MARRIED LIFE
Reading the nth number of annulment and declaration of nullity of marriage cases. And I fell out of love from love because these are the people who loved and are now proving that it never existed. Once in their lives they proved it to the world only to deny such. They all lied to themselves and created make-believe fantasy. Why? Am I seeing the future me? because aren't we all the same. I am sure that every person ventured for the search of true love and some were lucky enough to get married. These cases shook me. Somehow, love cannot move the mountains and is not forever. The songs were wrong.
From what I read, the main reason couples fight is money- the husband not having a job and the wife nagging him about not having a job, or the wife is the breadwinner and the husband is a drunk, womanizer and gambler. So because they were unsuccessful in satisfying the other's ego they opt to separate and for some, remarry.
I think it is pointless. For the men who desire a lot of women,unsatisfied of one, why? For sex? Oh I remember Eleven Minutes by P. Coelho- my apologies for insinuating that. In the novel, the prostitute learned that the husbands have mistresses to have someone to talk to. As experienced by many, wives become nagging bitches on the latter part of married life and husbands flee. They lose the game when they do because they refuse to communicate. They forget the reasons why and how the fell in love, which brought the color in their lives. They think that the other is a mind reader to know and do exactly what they want. And it all stops when they give up. Either, they realize that it did not exist and they only made it exist or, they got tired.
What is it really? Well, I will choose not to confuse my life with the lives of other people. But I will learn.
From what I read, the main reason couples fight is money- the husband not having a job and the wife nagging him about not having a job, or the wife is the breadwinner and the husband is a drunk, womanizer and gambler. So because they were unsuccessful in satisfying the other's ego they opt to separate and for some, remarry.
I think it is pointless. For the men who desire a lot of women,unsatisfied of one, why? For sex? Oh I remember Eleven Minutes by P. Coelho- my apologies for insinuating that. In the novel, the prostitute learned that the husbands have mistresses to have someone to talk to. As experienced by many, wives become nagging bitches on the latter part of married life and husbands flee. They lose the game when they do because they refuse to communicate. They forget the reasons why and how the fell in love, which brought the color in their lives. They think that the other is a mind reader to know and do exactly what they want. And it all stops when they give up. Either, they realize that it did not exist and they only made it exist or, they got tired.
What is it really? Well, I will choose not to confuse my life with the lives of other people. But I will learn.
Friday, August 17, 2012
DRAFT
SCREAM
I wanted so much to scream. Let my tears out and scream again. What have I done? I feel so lost. Lost and defeated in this game. Is this a game? I do not know. Because obviously I have been among those too dumb to realize and too proud to admit. S*** man! I think a curse is appropriate.
When we lose we want to scream. And since we write, we write our pains, our sorrows. We write the tears that want to fall but pride reins te soul. Of the one in control. Because she just wants something-something that she has not figured oput yet. Something lost in the sense of the world. Something that died or faded away in the midst of time and space.
And so she cried. The saddest tears in a lonely night. The most painful of all defeats. But what can she do when she cannot understand the world she is in. What can she do when she is lost in everything in between? I do not know. For I am only her mind that speaks, her body to dwell and her soul. What can I do if she fails? Life has been too cruel but I want to slap her now and push her. Pull her hair to the direction she is supposed to go. This lost girl stubborn as hell. she is indeed the weakest of them all.
She has been too weak to face anything in her dry barren life. Always too safe and within the lines. Always afraid.
I wanted so much to scream. Let my tears out and scream again. What have I done? I feel so lost. Lost and defeated in this game. Is this a game? I do not know. Because obviously I have been among those too dumb to realize and too proud to admit. S*** man! I think a curse is appropriate.
When we lose we want to scream. And since we write, we write our pains, our sorrows. We write the tears that want to fall but pride reins te soul. Of the one in control. Because she just wants something-something that she has not figured oput yet. Something lost in the sense of the world. Something that died or faded away in the midst of time and space.
And so she cried. The saddest tears in a lonely night. The most painful of all defeats. But what can she do when she cannot understand the world she is in. What can she do when she is lost in everything in between? I do not know. For I am only her mind that speaks, her body to dwell and her soul. What can I do if she fails? Life has been too cruel but I want to slap her now and push her. Pull her hair to the direction she is supposed to go. This lost girl stubborn as hell. she is indeed the weakest of them all.
She has been too weak to face anything in her dry barren life. Always too safe and within the lines. Always afraid.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
THE ODDS OF HUMAN TRAFFICKING DRUG SMUGGLING AND A LOT MORE
Here in the Philippines, a number of journalists died when they tried to oppose and dared to expose the shit of those in power. They were killed, oh no, massacred in cold blood along with their family and neighbors. This happened years back and until now, the case is still ongoing. Years?
I watched this movie Whistleblower, starred by Rachel Weisz, same idea, a UN employee who tried to expose human trafficking involving their very own UN superiors and local policemen. It said that it was based on a true story.
Because of these, I no longer know what to believe. Dear me, these people claim power because of their position? A place provided by the people to serve them. There is something terribly wrong here. See, the government created the idea of taxes to provide for the welfare of the people. However, I think what is really happening is that these public servants are overwhelmed by the money they are seeing. Hence, their primary reaction is to take it and think of it as their own. And I start learning about all this underworld created by politicians, millionaires and others with hidden secret propaganda. Geez, for what? being defeated by your demons is not something to be proud of. Especially taking advantage of other people just so you will be rich. I wonder where was that child-like enthusiasm that we all had when we were children?
blabber blabber. I am actually reading Good Omens by Pratchett and Gaiman. I think this is just one of the games where the demons and angels compete in spreading evil and goodness, respectively. We are all mere pawns of this game. But it is always our choice if we move, or not.
I watched this movie Whistleblower, starred by Rachel Weisz, same idea, a UN employee who tried to expose human trafficking involving their very own UN superiors and local policemen. It said that it was based on a true story.
Because of these, I no longer know what to believe. Dear me, these people claim power because of their position? A place provided by the people to serve them. There is something terribly wrong here. See, the government created the idea of taxes to provide for the welfare of the people. However, I think what is really happening is that these public servants are overwhelmed by the money they are seeing. Hence, their primary reaction is to take it and think of it as their own. And I start learning about all this underworld created by politicians, millionaires and others with hidden secret propaganda. Geez, for what? being defeated by your demons is not something to be proud of. Especially taking advantage of other people just so you will be rich. I wonder where was that child-like enthusiasm that we all had when we were children?
blabber blabber. I am actually reading Good Omens by Pratchett and Gaiman. I think this is just one of the games where the demons and angels compete in spreading evil and goodness, respectively. We are all mere pawns of this game. But it is always our choice if we move, or not.
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