Haunted

The past haunts and it lingers like a frog's constant croak in the middle of the night. It nudges you awake and bolts your awareness to its existence. It is a ghost that tries to scare you and if its not yet satisfied, it will become a demon who will possess your body, your mind and your heart. Then it will become who you are. You will become the face of your past-sullen, dark and defeated.

If so, you have forgotten. You were so strong. The power that dominated you all those years carried that weak heart to where you are right now. You are a superhero to those who have not yet gone through such pain. But how will you realize it if you are blinded by the dark. Stop sulking and take pride on your accomplishments. You were able to pass to a storm that was so strong it nearly wrecked your being.

Last night, I actually had this epiphany. I must stop complaining and regretting everything that happened in the past. It is tiring to be depressed every single day I have decided to wake up and face things. Before, I always imagine this present me scolding the past version of me for all the mistakes that I suffer now. Then, the future me will come and console me right now assuring me that everything will be alright. Things will pass and you will get through it.

BULLS OF LIFE

What defines a good daughter?

What defines success?

What defines happiness?

We are all but specs of united living cells who try many things to fit in this world. But what are we really trying to achieve or to prove? Must we always base our actions on the idea of karma? Or maybe there is no need for that. What if we just embrace the idea of living in this material world and decide to ride the bulls until we get knocked off.  Our state after being thrown in the ground depends on the circumstance prior to being thrown. First, our physical state if the body can take it based on its muscle mass and agility or we can even add flexibility. Then there are other factors to consider, like emotional state. A person can be extremely sensitive towards trauma of being thrown, or the pain of the process. 

After that, what happens next? Will you do it again or run off?

This is the part that makes me wonder. What will you do if one chapter is over and there are a lot of options before you. I have read a lot of self-help books and they all told me to just do it. You just have to do what makes you happy or what makes you feel alive. Must there always be that sense of urgency or adrenaline rush to push the blood and keep the heart pumping? What if I opt to lie in my bed and wallow in my miseries. What if I choose to stop running with the bulls and embrace the peace and quiet?

It just occurred to me that I have wrecked my life recently. I can say that it was like riding a bull. The bull is just a notorious thing that wants me off its back but I want to win the game of who-can-hold-on-longer. Then, at some point I made a mistake or it could be an accidental right decision. I was expelled from our union. I fell on the ground and felt that piercing pain all over my body. If I was to complain, I would not know which part must I demand the medical team to address. 

My current dilemma? I do not know what I am doing with my life. But I am noticing something, everything seems to fall into its place.

Para sa Hopeless Romantic: A Review

They call it puppy love, or teenage love. Is it true love? The elders would say no. But everyone have passed through that phase of life when falling in love, be it puppy love is the best thing that could ever happen. The euphoria from it is unbearable, magical and an epitome of happiness. Admit it or not we all have fallen madly in love. It ruined our rationality, sanity and good judgment.

But then again we must grow up and know what defines a good love story that is immortalized by a movie. What then is a good love story? The Bible said love is patient, love is kind. The verse went on describing what love is. There will be times when love is pure madness and demands a lot of sacrifice. To demonstrate it in a movie or in a book entails the responsibility to address the need to portray it properly. True love is not puppy love. True love is not all about giving but also compromise.

In the movie, the emotions were magnified, such as the pain, the feeling of being in love and the anticipation of what is yet to happen. There are scenes where James Reid was in slow motion four times. Maybe they just want to emphasize how hot he is- no argument to that.

 There is no reality in it but the fact that it may have been written by a 17-year old who has no idea yet of what love really is. Is it a fun movie? Yes, if have nothing else better to do. Did it portray reasonable characters? Maybe, based on the level of maturity of highschool students it is reasonable.

So what now? Was it a good movie? One word-  highschool.

Fifty Shades of Grey: A Review

A lot of people were enraged at the obvious degradation in the role of women in relationships on how the female character was portrayed in the movie. It is perceived that the media has a responsibility on the manner of revealing their ideas to the public. In this instance, the Anastacia Steele, the main character has been subjected to the sexual pleasures of Mr. Grey. Her exposure though seemed to have provided her extreme pleasures to. All acts has been consensual to both parties. This movie is what we can call as the conservative pornography. Pure lust and a sprinkle of love on the side is what can be served on the plate of Mr. Grey.

What is astounding is how the general public and the age group that embraced the movie. Most were teenagers and young adults who blatantly tell the world that they rave about the movie in social media. Times are changing indeed. Being sensual is something to be screamed about these days. Apparently it is becoming cool.

However, what is concealed by the skin-deep deception is the reality the humanity may be losing grip on what differs us from animals- rationality. Animals have sex for procreation, for nothing else but the fact that it is dictated by seasons. Humans, on the other hand must do it out of love and not as stress reliever or some other slut manner of defense.

This piece of literature is a wake up call or just another porn movie.

Updated 100 Things to Do in Life

SOMETHING FUN
1. Jump off a cliff
2. Go paragliding
3. Climb another mountain
4. Skinny dipping in the middle of the sea
5. Kiss someone under the starry starry sky
6. Travel alone
7. Get super sun-kissed on a topless beach
8.
9.
10.

SOMETHING SERIOUS
11. Learn how to cook
12. Learn a new language
13. Learn to manage my time
14. Learn to 

Updated 100 Things to Do in Life

SOMETHING FUN
1. Jump off a cliff
2. Go paragliding
3. Climb another mountain
4. Skinny dipping in the middle of the sea
5. Kiss someone under the starry starry sky
6. Travel alone
7. Get super sun-kissed on a topless beach
8.
9.
10.

SOMETHING SERIOUS
11. Learn how to cook
12. Learn a new language
13. Learn to manage my time
14. Learn to 

Caught in a Trance

It is debilitating to be caught in the midst of  an intersection. The options are way to many and they are all tangled with each other.

Then the question arises. What will you do? Which step will you take? What path must you choose? Having read a lot of self-help books the answer is quiet simple. Follow your heart and use your mind. It is easier said than done. But nothing beats the happiness caused by what we really want.

Breathe in and breathe out. Take one step at a time and you will surely get there.

If It Kills You

Someone once said, I did not say love is madness it is not love without madness. 

Sometimes rationale evades reasons. Sometimes, the emotions take over meaning. If it does, it becomes a mistake. Then we say we are just humans. Humanity may be related to some kind of weakness that becomes a defense to lighten the burden of consequenses. Being human may entail committing mistakes once, twice and repeatedly until it becomes a habit, a vice or a disease. 

What if what you are doing now kills you? But you love it so much that letting go is not a choice you will make even if it is one of the options. What if you have to but you cannot. What if you must but you have already stitched the idea permanently to your being that it became a part of your body? What if you just do not want to? Even if it kills you.

This may be a result of what we have seen, heard and felt. People on the movies fighting to the death for something they believed in. People pushing and breaking down barriers to impose something. They have changed reality or rationality whatever they may be called. 

But one of the mysteries of living is the idea of not knowing what is on the other side of the coin. You will never know unless you flip it. You can never know its authenticity if you do not check it out. Mistakes may occur but there will always be another chance of redemption. There will always be another day. Reality or rationality may establish a certain biorder between right and wrong but it never meant it makes you a better person if you follow all the rules. 

Even if it kills you, do the one thing you know you have to. Walls may break and days wasted but at least you knew. Even if it kills you, you have to. Somewhere along the way you will know if it is time to walk away or not. 

The Life of a Bum

I noticed that people seem to think that I am wasting my time bumming around. Pardon my freedom ladies and gentlemen. It is a choice to spend my time pondering on a lot of things and not act on them. For some people the subsequent option might be a better thing to do. I respect your choice but please do respect mine. I am an advocate of putting meaning in every little thing I do. This makes me satisfied for any outcome that might come out. This was what I have realized in the past years. There is no time wasted in this life. You just have to acknowledge that we all have different struggles. Nobody actually commits a mistake. Though we might stumble and fall, we might be kicked or buried by the circumstances of life but so be it. Dive in your misery and just savor the moments of excruciating pain. Love the moment you are in just know that you will survive. This will make you stronger.

In the past years I succumbed in the roller coaster of my emotional turmoil and I tried to choose between a lot of career options. This took more than a year to fight the demons who tempted me to go with the path of others because it seemed right. For some of those who claim to have known better, they tolf me I wasted a lot of time. At first I believed in everything they told me. I agreed that I have made the wrong decision of pushing the Pause button just so I can think for a while. They were wrong.

For years, I have managed to clear my mind. Know myself better and accept the circumstances of my being. I am perfect. I was created perfect. My journey in life is mine alone to decide on how I want to finish it. Others have their choices too. This realization made me notice the intricate patterns of learning. Instead of criticising the lives others chose to trek I begun to notice and learn from how they face their demons, how they draw their strengths from within them. Of course, our socio-economic status vary from many levels but choosing to love yourself is the right thing to do regardless of who you are.

I may have been a bum. But emptying my mind led me to what I really want. I will be a lawyer because it is the right place for someone who loves to read and talk and someone who wants to save the world. Having said that, I also realized that my future struggle will be facing the monsters of the real world. Knowing myself is the best sword and armor. Let me fight the battle with my hands.

The Three Musketeers Who Loved

I know three people who tried to love.

The first one have taken away her heart, her dreams and her ability to love someone. She molded her life to fit beside him. Of course the bliss went on for so long as she could remember. Her life is what you can call on the right track. A budding career, a boyfriend with a stable life who is also climbing his way up the ladder of success. Everything was laid out in front of her. But then he left. He left a an emphatic emotionally dependent and sensitive person all on her own at a time most unexpected.

The struggle to move on was real. What do you expect from a young heart? Of course she was devastated. But strength comes from within and she chose to save herself. She picked up the remaining pieces and decided to make an artwork out of it.

The second person defied rational reasoning and dove into the abyss of wild love and passion. They were happy. But such source of happiness was banished by rational reasoning. That the needs of the body, of the mind and of the soul is dictated by the society- culture and norms. No you cannot love a man if you are a man. You cannot love two people at the same time. So it ended. Such ending that twisted reasoning beyond rationality beyond the definition of the difference between right and wrong. How will you explain yourself to the laws of man and the laws of morality when your heart is devoid of reasons but the fact that you are just in love. Someone once said that love is not madness but it is not love without madness. How do you save yourself from the prison of reality that your way of loving is wrong for them. You were just in the wrong place at a wrong time.

She saved himself by having a lover after another lover. Let us just do this without reason. Without love. With the thought that this will end because there is no pot of gold beyond that rainbow.

The last person nearly wedded. It was love build by  a very patient friendship. They were a match. Same  personalities like pieces of a puzzle completing a picture with the existence of another. But life happened and one must leave to seek what he was made of. Distance tore them apart. They tried so hard to mend the pieces but it was just so hopeless. They had to end it.

I wonder how she struggled. What do you do to a plan that never unraveled? What do you do to the papers, pictures and the flowers stuck in between books? The pain was so real that tears flooded the sight. But she got a hold of herself and went out to the world to chase her dreams instead. But she wondered until now if she can love again.

There are various forms of strengths. We all have it in us. Tragedies in life might attack through the mind, the body or the heart. But there is always that power to defeat anything. If you choose to and if you believe.

Iloilo: Only in the Philippines

We went there on a Monday via plane from Manila which took almost an hour, rented car from the aiport to the port for 3 to 4 hours and boat ride for two hours and then voila we arrived in Gigantes Island. It did not end there we took a motorbike ride for a couple of minutes and we reached our destination, our home for the vacation - Gigantes Hideaway Tourist Resort.

Food and Accommodation

We were served coffee rightaway. The staff was courteous. A few visitors were also there. Since we are solitude-loving people we fell inlove with the place right away because the cottages were situated far away from each other making privacy and silence possible. There were also nearby Videoke bars where we later enjoyed ourselves with a couple of beers. 

Oh I was also supposed to talk about the foof. Well, they served seafood! A variety of them like scallops, fishes and squid. I forgot to say that their shore was covered with scallop shells. The locals are suppliers of scallops in various places. Needless to say, the food was sumptuous.

The Views

We went to a Lighthouse at sunrise. Unfortunately the clouds were heavy that time but we still enjoyed ourselves with the picturesque gift of the place. There were ruins, trees, a sight of the beaches and some islands. At the break of dawn, the changes of the colors around never fail to mesmerize the human eyes. Indeed the divine intervention in these creations are so powerful beyond imagination. We are but spectators in his majestic presence. 

We later went to do some island hopping. I cannot find an appropriate word or group of words to give justice to the beauty of the place. It could be an underestimation to its grandeur. Go see it. You will know what I mean.

Guimaras

What I did in San Juan

For a Cause

Curma or Coastal Underwater Resource Management Actions is the pioneer for the the conservation of Pawikans in the area. Their efforts start with securing Pawikan nests, releasing the hatchlings up to coastal clean-ups. Volunteering is available for everyone.

I did not save some Pawikans. They saved me. They made me understand the course of nature, which is life must be lived with full awareness of the existence of others. You need not be a volunteer for Curma to be a part of their cause. Rather, living with environmental consciousness is enough.

Paddle and Surf

There was one thing I fear most in life- dying in water or drowning in one word. Go on and laugh, ridicule me with this foolish thought. Then commend me for facing it. I will slowly paddle my way to the end of the sea until I conquer this. San Juan is the best place to do this. The seashore has an infinite line, the waters with various moods, and the sun with subtle gentleness.

Eat

Flotsam and Jetsam is my favorite. I have my share of the hippie lifestyle-the thing I would not choose for myself but would occasionally knock my curiosity. And now I have it. They serve a variety of foods from vegetable salads, pizza, pasta and rice meals.
There are other interesting places to visit. There is a Greek restaurant, German restaurant, and a Tea house.

Went to the Falls

The waterfalls is located in the boundary of two towns. It was so serene. The guide used a rope for support and lifeguard, the whole time. We were also dared to jump but I really cannot take chances in throwing myself off cliffs. But it was fun to watch the brave ones. This is the part of my life that I humble down and cower in my fears. My companions respected that.

Stress Relievers : The Healthy Way

It rises up out of from a cause buried from deep within. Slowly it explodes from your insides. This places you in a position that makes you dumbstruck about what to do. There is one thing. You just must find a release for all the tension that is gaining more space inside your body. And this must be done right now.

I used to ran to bars, clubs and order a shot of vodka, a bottle of strong beer and call friends to join me when this occurs. Getting wasted has been the answer to the question of what is your stress reliever? But that answer is said only in my mind because I was raised in a conservative family. I knew it is self-destruction and I have to do something about it because I love myself. The following are some of what my soul-searching made me do:

1. Eat Out

A cup of coffee, a piece of cake, a plate of vegetable salad or pasta will do. I usually eat one of these while reading something-a magazine, a good book or the day's paper. Choose a place with a good ambience- great view, soft muzak and courteous smiling personnel. 

2. Exercise

I have never been an athletic type. I cannot lift or even carry myself sometimes or even have to ask help for some chores which would have been easy to a five-year old. But since I am desperate for some release I decided to enrol myself to a gym. I had to choose from a lot of gyms in the area because I had to consider cleansiness, services offered and a great personnel. 

I was so inspired in that place. There are so many people who do it for themselves with different motivations like health and appearance. Moreover, it pushed me to the edge. Before, I can only ran for a minute. Now, a straight ten-minutes is yet the farthest I ran in the treadmill. I also started some workouts which focuses on relying on body weights. It was so challenging. It made me realized how unfit I am and that I have unpleasant fats everywhere. Hideous, I even have it in my face.

In relation to problem solving, the motivation you gain from exercising actually influences how you face the other adversities in the outside world. 

4. Yoga

I first did it for what everyone said it is for-meditation. But the shock slapped me in the face when stretching was actually what it is all about. Again, it made me realize how unflexible I was. But the people around understood my case and kept on telling me to work on my own pace and capacity. It is again one of the challenging things I did. 

Those who are scared of body aches from working out can opt for yoga. After  session all you can actually feel is a relaxed state.