HALF-WAY

to all those who just want to have fun: though shall not waste time on senseless dumb, really dumb things like things i am thinking of right now.

*i am missing astroboy. (huhu) i know he misses me too (HAKHAKh!!)

here's halfway:

"there are so many things to be said. but we just can't."

and though it sucks so much to deal with these sentiments. I'll tell you. if you do not make a move you're just as dumb as i think. .you see, astroboy. I'm not in the right state of my mind right now.(be thankful for that!) well, all i wanted to say is that . it sucks that all people should dwell in this kind of insanity i am in right now. F**** no, i do not love you , not yet., i hope you are not like all the rest of the men i knew.(may dogs fu** those men) and maybe my point is. i really have not yet figured out that one yet. I'm loving it. i wanted to indulge in this stupid thing because for once i want to be hurt. and i know that you can hurt me , astroboy, if you are just among the dumb men i know. well, if you are not astroboy reading this ( i doubt) guess who astroboy is. guess what . astroboy is no way- sooo far from absolute. because!! abso su******* . (tell me he doesn't. )

actually. i am hating right not. because of those f************************** exams that requires review? damn!!! I'm so thankful astroboy exists. har-har-

i just miss astroboy.hwarrk!! .

nathan sCott!

* i am currently watching: one tree Hill . and Nathan Scott is among the BEST most in love men i know. * I'm loving him!!

and i know that if astroboy is still out there . i'll still be here. BWAHAHAHA!

*TO KYPLER: this is progress. I'm happy for you too with yours.

*TO ASTROBOY: you do not know yourself . hahaha!!! har har. this is so fum. i know you do not know that you are astroboy

ASTROBOY

-and so i found a reason to be thrilled.

astroboy.-my suicidal attempts are delayed as long as ASTROBOY is here!!!

here he is!!!!

(.I'll say. A is for astroboy. i mean why among all the names would kypler think of the name Astroboy? hehe.)

i went outside to look for something that would make me turn. NOTHING. then astroboy came and saved the day!!! this makes me laugh. i just want the whole world to know who astroboy is. and astroboy is not simply astroboy. astroboy is more than astroboy. i must say i am just crazy about him. and though i would really want to fall in love at the moment, i think astroboy deserves and myself. i mean. whatevs. and again I'd want to show the world what astroboy has.

__________________________________________________________________

before that I'd want to share this. a friend and i ranked some guys from 1st to last. and the following had been our requirements;financial; appeal; physical appearance; attitude; intellect

if I'd rate astroboy. straight 10? joke. our guidance counselor, back in high school (mam sime!!! I'm missing you!!!) told me never to psychologize (is there a word like these?) a person you love. I'm loving astroboy!!! (eh_) OK I'm kidding. so i won't rate him. and that's that.

so... here's my guy checklist.

( CHECK) cute; handsome; good looking; name it

( CHECK) not kurni; not baduy; not anything i do not like.

( CHECK) brainy nmn siguro.

I'm loving this!!!

so i hope. I'm happy with this

like i have been happy with that.

still i know I'd still be happy

even if there's no reason to be.

go ASTROBOY!!!

THE suicidal attempts.

CHOICES:

a. on cutting the veins-
what you need: knife.
b. on hanging yourself-
what you need: nylon rope, stool, last notes
c. on inhaling carbon monoxide-
what you need: car, garage?
d. on drinking poison-
what you need: not acid. POISON name it.
e. on jumping off a building-
what you need: nothing

REASONS:
its not that life is sad, or cruel . its just that life is boring and just that.

BEFORE YOU GO:
cut all the ties you have with people. (im sorry for not attending renj's b-day)
write to all you care about
give the most in everything you do
LIVE for once.

though i once thought that i really do not belong here.

would you believe these are my thoughts for the past days.but none of the choices gave a non-painful way. and -life is like this * sucks.

.la la la la la. it ends and goes to where nobody knows. say things and they all listen what the- i never saw you and you lied and lied- what the- you, of all people whom i do not want to hate.

i asked myself these questions:

1. what do you really want right now?
- a boyfriend. means company. and haha!

2. why do you miss them?
-its human nature, still, i think im not human any more.

3. why do you hate him?
- because he makes everyone sad.

4. i'll give you one wish-
-please ! give me the strength to kill myself. and damn if i'd go to heaven or hell (im not suicidal. just bored)

5. who's your bestfriend?
- i honestly do not know.i hate her. and you know her.sorry-BITCH

6. if there's something to make you happy what would it be?
-a world of no lies and a world of love , lots of food, and a library for me

7. can you state something attainable?
- just get me to some place where i can fly- beach

8. whatdo you really want right now?
-chocolates.

9. who knows you best?
-myself.

10. plans in life>?
-become a philanthropist

11. others?
- write my own love story.

12. last words?
-uhmm, everything's the same.

TODAY

its time to bade the sun goodbye

and all the other colors it gave,

its time to paint another picture

with another cloud and rain

i'll now wash the canvass

and watch everything be washed-july 1?

wentworth miller is HOT.

i'll confess. i do not act the way i talk. i do dumb things without thinking. i say things without really meaning it. i suck sometimes. im a bitch. a warfreak- when people i love are hurt. a cheater. a world-peace advocate-jwk. most of all im selfish-but im never blind of the sufferings of other people. haha! im sweet too- according to my sister. what i am scared sometimes is that not getting what i expect after i have given so much.because i usually give much but its okey nmn if i don't get much from it as long as im happy, as long as it made me happy.
when i get upset, im so good at overcoming it. also, im so good masking all the pain i feel-sometimes. i know how to smile the same smile everyday and every time. that is among my skills that ive become so good from practicing how to be happy.

TIP:(there are times when you have to be serious in a really funny scene and sometimes you have to smile when you feel like crying)

1. think of the lowest part of your life- this works in situations
2.think of a very funny situation, funny person,or just a person who makes you happy. that will surely make you smile

why i am writing this is , i already lost the reason to smile. and there was a time when i failed because the thought had not succeeded in the moment i needed it most. meaning: i cried-that time

you see, i have to end this hopelessness of chances !!!
oops. i was talking about happiness, so sad . but you see, im not one of those who stay sad forever. goodbye, scofield. nyeknyek!!