I would say that I am a collector and not a wide-reader for buying so many books and magazines. I buy them but I do not read most of them. Before, I thought that time will come for me to read all of them but that will take a lifetime already, and a penniless me. So, I realized, maybe my role is to preserve these things for someone or for those who actually deserves these treasures. There you have it, my first dream job is to be a librarian. I noticed that today's librarians, except a few of them, do not love books as much as I do. They know call numbers and other numbers but not the books and their souls. Did anyone ever really had a good talk with librarians? In my school, she is the mean one. She makes people keep quiet and she does not talk to anyone. More like the warden in the prison. So if I will be a librarian, I will know all the books in my kingdom. When anyone asks for a book I would not only tell them what section it is situated but also suggest related topics for that.
In a time where e-books and other digital ways of reading come out, I still thirst for the feel of paper and the smell of it, either fresh from the printing press or from the shelves. I always think that reading in paper still makes us dive into its world. I wish they are never gone.
My second dream job is to be a maid. There is something about the job that mesmerizes me. at the end of the day everything is clean and shiny and I find that satisfying. Even the part where the owner of the house seems satisfied will send endorphins to my brain. To dream being a maid is to know that there is happiness in everything. Even though that part one play's is minimal, it actually affects all of humanity, the economy for example, because the people in the bigger arena need people to clean their places.
Lastly, I wish I am a teacher. I want to teach children how to live life like they own it. I want to let them fly free in their imagination and just be happy- the things I am still trying to do, the things I wished somebody told me.
....
I will head to the beach now. I will go there with my friends and I am looking forward to a beautiful day.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Lessons From A Break-up
Recently, I have had the worst emotional turmoil of my 22-year old life. We finally broke up with a closure typed in a message in facebook. How personal and deep was that. From the moment that I read the message the following thoughts magnified in my mind: to quit school because I am miserable; to quit my work because I am miserable and to start increasing my alcohol intake and adding up the cigarette I smoke because I am miserable. I almost, well, I begun doing them all. Then all of a sudden, family and friends were appearing out of the blue to help me save me. I am well now. Although not completely healed but I am getting there.
These are the lessons from a broken heart.
1. Let yourself drown in anguish. Let her grieve and be melancholic. Let her stare at an empty blank space with the hope that he will appear there. For once, allow sadness to take the reins of your emotions. But never make a decision during this phase. Just be sad and go away from the thoughts of ruining your life.
It is enough that you cry, while lying on your bed, while walking, while eating, while taking a bath or while doing any other things.
2. Do something for yourself. Focus on yourself. Why? Because you were rejected. You were let down. Thus, you are now in the lowest time of your life. A good friend told me that they can only offer advises, be there and cry with you. The part of making you rise after this fall solely depends on you.
Know, that he will not come back. People do not come back for miserable people- Myrchael. So when become tired from crying, stand up and go do something.
3. The biggest mistake you have done is to love him more than what he deserves. You focused on maintaining a relationship more than what is enough. You deprived yourself from yourself.
...
Being broken hearted is, as known by all people who fell in love, a very bad phase. But then, it is just a phase, people who shared their pains with me told me that it will get better. I realized now that it is better.
I love what I just did. I went shopping then, I went to the spa. It was the greatest thing I did for myself. I loved it. I realized some man is not enough to destroy me or even bother me for that. My mistake was I failed to create a strong post of myself so that when people come and go I will not be moved. Your mistake was you failed to prove the words always and forever. Burn the letters for that.
These are the lessons from a broken heart.
1. Let yourself drown in anguish. Let her grieve and be melancholic. Let her stare at an empty blank space with the hope that he will appear there. For once, allow sadness to take the reins of your emotions. But never make a decision during this phase. Just be sad and go away from the thoughts of ruining your life.
It is enough that you cry, while lying on your bed, while walking, while eating, while taking a bath or while doing any other things.
2. Do something for yourself. Focus on yourself. Why? Because you were rejected. You were let down. Thus, you are now in the lowest time of your life. A good friend told me that they can only offer advises, be there and cry with you. The part of making you rise after this fall solely depends on you.
Know, that he will not come back. People do not come back for miserable people- Myrchael. So when become tired from crying, stand up and go do something.
3. The biggest mistake you have done is to love him more than what he deserves. You focused on maintaining a relationship more than what is enough. You deprived yourself from yourself.
...
Being broken hearted is, as known by all people who fell in love, a very bad phase. But then, it is just a phase, people who shared their pains with me told me that it will get better. I realized now that it is better.
I love what I just did. I went shopping then, I went to the spa. It was the greatest thing I did for myself. I loved it. I realized some man is not enough to destroy me or even bother me for that. My mistake was I failed to create a strong post of myself so that when people come and go I will not be moved. Your mistake was you failed to prove the words always and forever. Burn the letters for that.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
ACCEPTANCE
I thought I had true love but I guess I rushed to that thought too soon.Now, I am left with the broken idea of what the words : perfect, true or real mean.Well,maybe that is just the way it is.
A few months before this, I succumbed to the shadows of loss, grief and other emotions related to sadness. I hated losing people. I cannot live with the idea that I have to say goodbye and say hello to another. Now, I am loving it most because I realize how much this chapter of life is teaching me. It forces me to face all those that I refused to accept and deal with before- reality that people go. And we have to move on. This feels like sunshine.
Maybe, I have to thank him too, for letting me go, for facing truth and asking me to face it too. I might not call what we had love sometime in the future when I find someone who is not you. I think what we had was never love because if it was then it should have lasted and you should have called and you should have ... a list longer than the longest. But still thank you for the laughs, the adventure, the pictures and everything in them. I hated goodbyes but I have to say goodbye,right? Even if you think that I do not even deserve a personal talk for what its worth and for what we have been through to tell me why, what happened and all that. Maybe it never mattered but it did with me. And maybe you are just not that kind of person and that I have to understand that again. I became so tired and I am so happy that I am now exhausted of waiting and of expecting. Well,I just wish that you would find someone who deserves you and I will be happy for you.
As for me,I will now pursue my life long dreams and passion for reading and writing. Occasionally, I see myself searching for myself and my soul in a way that has no directions. I will again be a free spirit without the bounds I have created myself with you. I will forget and let go, move along. I have never felt happier in months. I am sensing the old me springing back to life like a stampede. Well, I shall thank you most of all. This will always be a sad part but that is the way it is. I still wish that we can be friends maybe even if you would not prefer that.It is just that with me it eats me up from the inside, I cannot say goodbye
A few months before this, I succumbed to the shadows of loss, grief and other emotions related to sadness. I hated losing people. I cannot live with the idea that I have to say goodbye and say hello to another. Now, I am loving it most because I realize how much this chapter of life is teaching me. It forces me to face all those that I refused to accept and deal with before- reality that people go. And we have to move on. This feels like sunshine.
Maybe, I have to thank him too, for letting me go, for facing truth and asking me to face it too. I might not call what we had love sometime in the future when I find someone who is not you. I think what we had was never love because if it was then it should have lasted and you should have called and you should have ... a list longer than the longest. But still thank you for the laughs, the adventure, the pictures and everything in them. I hated goodbyes but I have to say goodbye,right? Even if you think that I do not even deserve a personal talk for what its worth and for what we have been through to tell me why, what happened and all that. Maybe it never mattered but it did with me. And maybe you are just not that kind of person and that I have to understand that again. I became so tired and I am so happy that I am now exhausted of waiting and of expecting. Well,I just wish that you would find someone who deserves you and I will be happy for you.
As for me,I will now pursue my life long dreams and passion for reading and writing. Occasionally, I see myself searching for myself and my soul in a way that has no directions. I will again be a free spirit without the bounds I have created myself with you. I will forget and let go, move along. I have never felt happier in months. I am sensing the old me springing back to life like a stampede. Well, I shall thank you most of all. This will always be a sad part but that is the way it is. I still wish that we can be friends maybe even if you would not prefer that.It is just that with me it eats me up from the inside, I cannot say goodbye
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)