Well, I am sad again for reasons that I denied myself from the past. Such as, loving myself for what she deserves. I should have soul searched even before or did what I love most.
But then, I can still choose to be happy. I will then choose not to hate myself for all the mistakes and frustration that I myself caused for this past months. I will face the consequences of my actions like an avid learner of life. This is the best time to learn from my mistakes. Trying to be someone is just so tiring. I want to live my life to the fullest by not focusing on the bad things.
In the past months, I realized that the most brilliant people do not know what to do when faced with challenges that was not written in the books they have read. Among these, are coping, holding on and being strong when it seems impossible to be strong. But for some reason, they still find their way around it, just like everybody else.
Right now, I am again afraid of what is to come. But, regardless of the outcome, I will look at it as a lesson learned.
There will always be another day. Another chance. Another way.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
THE TEN THOUSAND THINGS
Politics.
The game, so dirty, I do not want to play. But here I am talking about it. Here I am trying to enter it.
Love.
The most painful yet fulfilling encounter. I drowned but then I rose up to struggle and survive. Indeed, it healed and changed me.
Passion.
So easy to say yet so hard to act on. Maybe, because of the fear of failure or to love again.
Conviction.
Like saving the world or humanity as our superheroes opted. But life is a cruel bitch. It throws obstacles that dares you to push through.
Pain.
Above all is the fear that keeps us alive. The sole reason of existence. The reason to live. The thing we so ardently fight for.
The game, so dirty, I do not want to play. But here I am talking about it. Here I am trying to enter it.
Love.
The most painful yet fulfilling encounter. I drowned but then I rose up to struggle and survive. Indeed, it healed and changed me.
Passion.
So easy to say yet so hard to act on. Maybe, because of the fear of failure or to love again.
Conviction.
Like saving the world or humanity as our superheroes opted. But life is a cruel bitch. It throws obstacles that dares you to push through.
Pain.
Above all is the fear that keeps us alive. The sole reason of existence. The reason to live. The thing we so ardently fight for.
Friday, March 1, 2013
ORGASMIC LOVE
Let the positivity begin.
I love to write. There is peace in writing because you let it all out without inhibitions. I always come back to this when all is lost. I find refuge in living the moment in my own mind.
I love to read. Somehow, going into another person's mind is knowing that we are all different and its interesting to know other people. Also, I love the sent of books. The paper assaulted by dust, time and air exhumes a scent that well, I call Orgasm of the Nose.
I love to eat. There will always be that sort of pleasure that happens within me when the food is good. So I always try to feel it. In the words of a playful I call it Orgasm of the Palate.
I love to travel. When you are that person who seem to be looking for something that knocks on you on the back of your head, it helps to go to places. Sight-seeing is also Orgasm of the Eyesight.
I love to talk to people. Of course while considering stranger-danger. But to talk about culture, life and love with people who knew it best for having been there, is Orgasm of the Mind. New knowledge gained from raw knowledge is the most genuine of them all.
I love coffee. Thank God, there are a lot of coffee shops in my place and I get to try them all. I do not know but besides the fact that coffee makes me alert. I still did not figure out why bitterness and sweetness goes perfectly well in this one drink. It mere depends on preference if you want it cold or hot.
I am finished with all the things I love. I am so sorry for those whom I have hurt because I tried to change it. Well, I was never that person who loves to go home drunk and wasted because I partied all night. The morning after is what I loathe the most because of the guilt sceaming inside me. Nor did I like men hanging around because I never liked being touched. I have realized that I love being alone and on my own. It is who I am. It is simple as that.
I read my past posts and I was inspired again because of my own words. Indeed, problems strike other people and there is always that tendency of becoming good or bad. I choose to fight besides the strong urge to give up and die. Then, I thought, life is a pie. There are a lot of portions and you have to acknowledge the fact that you might fail on the other slices.My point is just live. It is always your disadvantage if you let yourself be defeated by all the f***** problems that come. Because the best is yet to come.
I love to write. There is peace in writing because you let it all out without inhibitions. I always come back to this when all is lost. I find refuge in living the moment in my own mind.
I love to read. Somehow, going into another person's mind is knowing that we are all different and its interesting to know other people. Also, I love the sent of books. The paper assaulted by dust, time and air exhumes a scent that well, I call Orgasm of the Nose.
I love to eat. There will always be that sort of pleasure that happens within me when the food is good. So I always try to feel it. In the words of a playful I call it Orgasm of the Palate.
I love to travel. When you are that person who seem to be looking for something that knocks on you on the back of your head, it helps to go to places. Sight-seeing is also Orgasm of the Eyesight.
I love to talk to people. Of course while considering stranger-danger. But to talk about culture, life and love with people who knew it best for having been there, is Orgasm of the Mind. New knowledge gained from raw knowledge is the most genuine of them all.
I love coffee. Thank God, there are a lot of coffee shops in my place and I get to try them all. I do not know but besides the fact that coffee makes me alert. I still did not figure out why bitterness and sweetness goes perfectly well in this one drink. It mere depends on preference if you want it cold or hot.
I am finished with all the things I love. I am so sorry for those whom I have hurt because I tried to change it. Well, I was never that person who loves to go home drunk and wasted because I partied all night. The morning after is what I loathe the most because of the guilt sceaming inside me. Nor did I like men hanging around because I never liked being touched. I have realized that I love being alone and on my own. It is who I am. It is simple as that.
I read my past posts and I was inspired again because of my own words. Indeed, problems strike other people and there is always that tendency of becoming good or bad. I choose to fight besides the strong urge to give up and die. Then, I thought, life is a pie. There are a lot of portions and you have to acknowledge the fact that you might fail on the other slices.My point is just live. It is always your disadvantage if you let yourself be defeated by all the f***** problems that come. Because the best is yet to come.
THE SUPPOSED HATE AND SADNESS POST TURNED OUT TO BE GOODIE GOOD
Pain comes back as soon as it goes. It is like a boomerang that finds its way back, to stab and strangle me all over again. It really hurts so bad and I cannot seem to get over it. I cannot seem to forget. That you left me and well, it really looks like you are not coming back.
I became so tired of comments that I am stupid and well, too slow. Why did I become so weak?
Recently, I have been asked a lot of questions about letting go or holding on towards relationships. I wish I could tell them all the negativity that I have realized. All things are not permanent. We all know that but somewhere along the path we deny ourselves the reality that could have saved us in the end. But for a momentary happiness we sacrifice our rationality just to feel alive maybe.
Enough with that. I was told a while ago that well, if you allow yourself to be defeated by external stress, you will die early. I just have to try to be stronger. I just have to gather strength from those who also struggle like me. Well, I will not give up on this. I will not give up on myself and my dreams. Love is just one aspect of life. It is not everything. Or should I say. A man is not the sole source of happiness. At least, that is what I realized now. There are those who tried to save me when I ran to their arms for comfort and refuge. I asked for help because I needed it. I acknowledge the mistake and my defeat. I have to thank those who understand me and those who tried to help. Also, I still appreciate those who told me that this is not me. Thank you for shaking my shoulders and waking me up from this nightmare.
I guess there are also those out there, with the same suffering as mine. Well, I actually do not ask for him back because right now, I am just waiting for him to come back. I was just kidding myself. Today and now is the perfect time to remake myself. I will play the game of life fair and square. I will not be defeated by this I will win.
I became so tired of comments that I am stupid and well, too slow. Why did I become so weak?
Recently, I have been asked a lot of questions about letting go or holding on towards relationships. I wish I could tell them all the negativity that I have realized. All things are not permanent. We all know that but somewhere along the path we deny ourselves the reality that could have saved us in the end. But for a momentary happiness we sacrifice our rationality just to feel alive maybe.
Enough with that. I was told a while ago that well, if you allow yourself to be defeated by external stress, you will die early. I just have to try to be stronger. I just have to gather strength from those who also struggle like me. Well, I will not give up on this. I will not give up on myself and my dreams. Love is just one aspect of life. It is not everything. Or should I say. A man is not the sole source of happiness. At least, that is what I realized now. There are those who tried to save me when I ran to their arms for comfort and refuge. I asked for help because I needed it. I acknowledge the mistake and my defeat. I have to thank those who understand me and those who tried to help. Also, I still appreciate those who told me that this is not me. Thank you for shaking my shoulders and waking me up from this nightmare.
I guess there are also those out there, with the same suffering as mine. Well, I actually do not ask for him back because right now, I am just waiting for him to come back. I was just kidding myself. Today and now is the perfect time to remake myself. I will play the game of life fair and square. I will not be defeated by this I will win.
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