MOVIES

well. this was what she told me. find a job and you may not live here if you want. i said mom? fine! okay!!! well i then laughed im the worst daughter on this planet. kill me now. i did not answer back. i shut my freakin mouth from muttering anymore of my shit. i need her because im kinda broke and im pissed of the way i am acting. i want to isolate myself from everything. shit. what is happening to me. what the hell is happening to me. well that is just it . im done and over. claudine kept on texting me this morning about mc stuff. i told her that she must delete my name already from that list. she said. arlene ha! hmpf . and i told her its like im heartbroken. i cannot get over it!

and then i was confused between asking lora to meet me or not. though i saw her. i even watched transformer 2 all by myself and laughed at a few scenes -all by myself. i felt like here am again a loner. after finding myself a boyfriend after starting to establish. bullshit damn that college damn everything. from now on i must hybernate.



hybernate mode. i hate this life

A FAMILY LIKE MINE

i have six aunts, four uncles and an aunt and an uncle in my grandfather's second wife. i also have 39 cousins, five nephews and four nieces.

every Christmas, all saints day, and other occasions we would all gather in my lolo's house. we would party. everybody would be talking and if you're the silent type. you won't be unnoticed-just that most of us are dominating. everything is about competence. so if you are silent you cannot be silent forever. our personalities are just infectious.

its not a typical family. because we are disturbingly closely bonded. well that's just it. like a tree the strength comes from the roots. so other people may throw stones. but come on. you cannot kill a wall. well my uncle entered politics so, the family name became a bit famous in our municipality. so we looked up at ourselves more.

at the moment aunt Jane is still in abroad and I'm wondering how she did it- being separated from the family all these years. i never knew her totally-but you see in my family everybody is just like everybody. so when she comes home she's not totally the image of a rich aunt the fact that she doesn't have a family but o well look at it from a different perspective. we all try to spend time despite the busy life.

i failed to notice the importance of embracing where i came from. because family is where the heart is they say. and i think it is always like that.

now that lolo passed away. i think it is a new challenge to keep everything intact. now that a lot of issues are arising. truly it is a newer life that we all live right now. i must say no one really died. its just that the body faded. like what aunt Mary always say about transcending from the material world. that's why she's a vegetarian. and few understands why.

so maybe one can scrutinize us all. hate some hate the others. baseline: we love one another. so seasons may change winter to spring... that's a line from a song.


here i feel like talking about them. since things seem not to be the same.

BLANK

allow me:
what is happening to you? you are becoming the most impulsive bitch i have ever known.

the lines follow the patterns. or is it them that identify patterns? the certain path of what is ideal. i am kind of confused what is ideal anyway. who identifies it? fool.
allow me:

certain reasons:
please allow me. well. they told me i cannot yet because uhmm well for my negligence of not really completing certain requirements. and i am in a great desire again to shut off myself completely from the world. greetings

WOLFGANG

when you here a voice from a million miles away. then you start to listen to what it tries to say. you take steps. closer to where it comes from. and your feet drags you there.

you don't stop, you want to go there so you continue. life's like that and this. for once you have caught a glimpse of life. of a voice that says something about your life. and like all the rest who have heard this voice. all you do is follow. wondering if that voice can tell you answers that you seek: WOLFGANG.

maybe like little children in blossom all spread out in a wide field. wolfgang creates a music that speaks. like Bamboo or the others. and they are more that good. this is the music that remains for a lifetime. kudos to them. for the music

SAY WE WON'T STAY LONG? SAY THAT AGAIN

*three reasons i want to do in this life- live, love, write
*five reasons i can no longer do what they want- life, dreams, passion, time, reasons, destiny

why i just cant stay there. why i remain misunderstood. because i have to stop explaining myself. i just have to show. and they would understand- after some time.

why i love him, her, them, why i cannot defend, prove... because i cannot find reasons. to prove to defend. thus, i stay. thank you.

a teacher died recently because his wife cheated. why did he commit suicide when his wife just bore a son last last month. why he did that. reasons-refused to be heard. try turning the world upside down- why did the wife cheat. when he loved her so. he was too hurt to know. isn't that enough. obviously she did not stop. he committed sin in suicide. was it his fault? that he loved her too deeply. she was life itself. it is not easy to kill. especially when it is yourself-the victim. why? i the eyes of the world. he became worthless. lucky was the woman. she was loved like that. she should've...

I'm quiet afraid. that in what i see in this life would stop me from living life. and what the world shows me. stops life from coming to me. here. i saw a lot of people a like. like children, like ants in scamper. all finding some reasons. all living a life. all having individual reasons.all living as one.

i remember the details that night lolo died. i remember the fear and adrenaline rush. i remember everything. I'm so sorry. it was so sad. must i still say that? and its so sad how others spend their lives. how others waste it. i hope they should've shared a bit to my lolo. then everyone should've been happy. I'm sorry for my selfishness. this is my own greed.

BOYS OVER FLOWERS

its funny. how i ended watching the Korean drama series "Boys Over Flowers". it is not the way i expected it. i became bored at the ending. when happiness came to life. it lit their dim lives. it seemed like darkness would never come back again.

how then was that boring? it was wanting-more boring. for two people to fight for love and give most of their lives for it is simply amazing. hmmm- i was appalled to see and feel what the actors were trying to say. that in this world where we no longer believe in drama and magic our pessimism could be proved wrong. as long as you do things wholeheartedly.

let me not do this like a review. let me just talk about it. well, despite one fact that i am so eager that i can actually tell the story to someone in details... argh. the plot was so real. so life changing. because i knew that had i been the girl Jan Di. i would not have fought for it. i would not even pursue. i think i would choose to continue living in misery trying to forget someone that i love,. if i had not watched this. i would not fight for anything anymore. and my life will be continuously boring.

if asked if i have to love a man i would. but the possibility of being hurt must be only happening once. then no more. i would not be like them. for if i love i could offer my world. if they don't isn't that just unfair? well. i do not completely understand but life is truly complicated. and i should just get along.

i might just say some things that caught me off-guard while watching. it would be the times when their faces come too close signalling that they should kiss. and that in one of their cuts the actor Lee Min Ho was hesitant to touch the girl"s lips, hahaha. and what stunned me was creativity to please someone they love. like bright lights suddenly flashing in a dark night. spare my sentiments. but i know that every girl out there wants to be surprised with these little sentiments. but with reality check always beside us. uhmm- dreams are just dreams.

somehow, i wonder why i am suddenly falling for Lee Min Ho!!! well. its the character he played- gu jun pyo. women would like guys like him. maybe not all women. because we all have someone. our own definition of things...

to sum it up. Boys Over Flowers contains too much conflict, too much aggressiveness, too much pain, too much women, too much men... too much fun.