WHAT IF

You must have known that I can read very fast. Fast in the sense that I used to cheat through side glancing in high school and I can read my friend's text conversation when I am sitting beside him or her. A lot of things prove my speed in reading. Like reading Da Vinci Code during class hours and I halved the pages after two periods- another proof that the novel is a phenomenal page-turner. I am saying this because you do not know.

I also have that speed in catching people's changes in expression or secret glances. And that speed equates to my rapid conclusions of the situation. I am saying this because you do not know.

What else do you not know? What else do you claim to know? ...

See, this paranoia is attacking my senses again. And a lot of what if's are stabbing me. What if...

Remember what I told you before? I said this person started to fill in the spaces you have left. This person became who I wanted... needed. What if...

My greatest fear is that- I do not have any answer for now.

Sarcasm Now

I get pissed when people display their limitations in front of me. Go kill yourself with that attitude you cannot contribute anything to development.

1. So they were planning their hiking and I heard a lot of queries about this and that. Even my sister- Im not sure if she is thinking asked if there are bears in the area! And there was this word that I never heard in hikings-PORTER, someone who carries your luggage. I wish mountaineers would read this and they would hate me for not telling these people that they do not deserve a hiking!- they must go to a picnic. that way they can have all the porters they can have to carry their sandwiches. Gee who eats sandwiches in hikings...

2. Yes I envy. I want to go to. but ... I chose not to because it has to be fun. See, I have been with people who tries to prove that they can do it with or without your help.

3. You will not have the will and the power to move me. Look at you. This is a rock standing right here you effing pathetic mongrel. Go to where your own breed is.

4. Why? me? average? no i think even below that. ...(continuous mutterings of disbelief) Why? all my life I effortlessly never went below that... But yeah- this humbled me enough. But damn, I am such a disgrace.

5. Hey you, you think you are that rich? Define rich, bitch! You are nothing so do not dare brag. I feel low just thinking of you. eww

6. I was taught to lie low on my assets and just wait for things to fall into place.

PONDER

It feels like a fallen leaf trapped in the middle of the road because of the rain. The wind cannot move me. Or it could be like a piece of wood being drifted in the ocean with an uncertain direction. There is no way to oppose.

I am lost.

here in the middle of the tangles I, myself wove. I thought I was making my own ladder towards the heavens. Where am I? Where is my fate? Where are you plans God? I thought you chose me because I cannot choose.

Or maybe, I just need time. I must embrace optimism, read more or just pursue...