My pains are back. I have a four times a week class with his relative and it will be a four times a week reminder of him. All the emotions are going back. This is so unfair. He is already happy in the arms of another and here I am wallowing. I do not want to hate but it was partly my defense from all the pain. Until now, I think its cruel that casting me out of your life is celebratory to all who care for you. I never thought you were just waiting for me to agree that we break up so that you can be with her. Was I really that bad? Was my existence so abhorred that you just cannot wait?
My mother told me to not broadcast my problems. And here I am blogging it out. And now I will think of a solution. I will not let it affect me. She is a great teacher and I will just forget that they are related. Maybe the idea that you died is not enough. I have to convince myself that you never existed. It will be ridiculous to hate a subject just because the teacher is your aunt. It is a subject that I starting to love. She seems to require that the whole book should be read by now. This is challenging. I will not back down. I will be a lawyer and you will not stop it. I can do this with prayer to God to give me strength.
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