IN A TIME OF HAVING RANDOM THOUGHTS

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Dear Love,

I hope you will have the patience with me throughout this lifetime

I pray that we both have faith in God to grace us with a strong foundation

Tell us something about your love (a question thrown to Sophie in Letters to Juliet, can I be Sophie now?) :

Well, let me begin with love. When I was younger, I have always wondered what love is. Right now, I still cannot fully explain what it means but I know that I am in love when I am with him. I know that distance stretches its hands to keep us away from each other. But distance does not define distance when we speak of the heart. I always feel his presence all the time. I love him so much.

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Awhile ago, I was with Kharissa. And we  talked about a lot of stuff. I learned that she has been praying for me and I believe that I helped me come out from the quicksand I was in. See, I have lost the drive for almost a decade. That is why I find it difficult to concentrate now and focus. My brain have been used to denying everything ever since. This became a disadvantage. I am really trying so hard. 

I realized that in the past I have developed habits that were self destructive. I have to say I hated everyday of my life before but then I have to live it so I tried to survive without really feeling alive. Among my practices were multi-tasking. I believe that my ability to focus declined due to severe multi-tasking. I used to do a lot of things at the same time like studying, listening to music and stopping again to watch the television or do another task. I did survive those and was able to pass my pre-grad for that but nothing retained. I never enjoyed any of it. That was why I even thought of committing suicide because I never had that will to live, because I never loved what I was doing. I find it sad that I have wasted a lot of years sulking in one side and forcing myself to kill the passions that are screaming inside me. I now realize that I should have fought vigorously. Then, I would have lived a satisfying life. Or that I should have adjusted the situation so that I could still do what I want.

In the book that I am currently reading, Good Omens by Teri Pratchett  and Neil Gaiman there were the demons who were showing off ther efforts on trying to tempt people so that the will turn away from goodness. Well, this could be happening in real life, the forces of evil only present us situations that could make us deviate from the right path. The meaning of free will comes in, we all have a choice. Indeed these situations are sometimes blamed for the consequences in doing evil. But why do we blame the evil or the situation when the decision came from us. See these pawns of satan are just trying to do their job, we let them succeed. So, in relation to my situation, I know that what happened to me was my fault. But I am still grateful that I have learned. And that through this I have acknowledged the will of the Lord that guided me to where I am now.