What to Do Next?

I keep on writing to survive this heartbreak. There are so many questions. And yet, the answers are obvious. Some of us think of never giving up. I am at a crossroad. All I know is that he hates me already and he is so cold even when I was there. And some of us think of doing everything to get him back. How will I untangle him from the arms of another? Can’t he just find his way back to me?

He found peace. And that was without me in it. I am the war in his world. Some of us think I did less. Maybe I realized I have a problems. He is right. I do not deserve him. He does not love me anymore.

In one of the episodes of Sex and the City, Carrie said something about when is enough enough? Was it a masochistic characteristic to endure pain and fight for love when the other party obviously does not want you already? In another episode, she said something about always choosing the wrong kind of men. I contemplated on how the characters were and obviously I am not Carrie. I am Miranda. If the cog will not fit in the peg, it will never go inside. Life is simpler that way.

Relationships does not work like contracts. In a relationship, one of the parties can just stop loving and you cannot force him or her to love again or just requite the love given. In a contract, you can enforce your right based on the agreement, verbal or non-verbal. Thus, you cannot tell another person to love you still because he said he will love you forever. This is just one of the things that cannot be dictated by any force of nature. It just happens. This is a simple concept that is very difficult to accept. But in all aspects of life: acceptance is the key.

Stop the Hate

I want to be silent but they keep on asking me- why we broke up? what about the wedding? Is there a wedding? What happened? What did you do? It was so difficult but I tried to reason out for him. This is all my fault. See, in an effort to avoid my family and friends from hating him, I said this. It came to a point that I stopped explaining. I do not owe anyone an explanation. I am doing great and I am happy for him. I love him so much that as long as he is happy I am happy. This is how I will love from a distance. Besides, I am loving this time for myself. 

Do Not Drink Alcohol

In my younger years, alcohol is my go to comfort zone. I realize now it was not. If you are reading this and you are heartbroken too, I suggest you go to a gym and express all the pain there. It is so euphoric, I felt the worst body pain. It can override a heartbreak. A gym can offer a lot of things- kickboxing, a lot of classes and weights, among other things. You can choose anything that will make you express all the pent up energy when you just want to burst into crying. I do a lot of spinning classes and it is so addictive. I got bored at some point so that was when I included some pilates, zumba and I am planning to do some yoga if I want to lay low. 

What I learned from working out?

1. When you can lift it, you can lift anything in life. There are a lot of physically challenging activities. I was so proud of myself hurdling one after another. Though I know there are a lot more. 
2. Self Love. The best version of your physical self and what's more? It affects emotional and mental health too. For once, stop asking love from other people, give it all to yourself. 
3. Having people around will make you feel that you are not alone. In a gym, people mind their own business but you are all present doing the same thing.