Like a whimpering dog, people sprint to a safe zone after being hurt. Initially, I locked myself in a room and thought about going to my favorite bar. And the good side of my snapped back phrasing the famous line : I'm too old for this. I tried to think about it. Blaming is good. Defensive reasoning is preferred and also just thinking that nobody will understand so I have to go out and explain it to everyone came to my mind. But then I realize that I am so tired. Even if a part of my life is breaking down, I cannot just stop and deal with it because there are other parts of my life. Everything will crash down if I did. Wrong timing that is what this is.
In my recent addiction to watching TED talks, I learned that it is all in the brain. My brain is the culprit of my suffering after all. However, no matter how much I make my situation a scientific one and that there is a rational reasoning as to why this is happening I cannot deny that I am in so much pain. So I will write about it.
I will deal with this by healing myself. How? I will take baby steps.
First: Healthy Lifestyle
I have been exercising for a few days and I am so frustrated. Fats take time to disappear. I cannot believe this. I am a fast eater so why can't they be gone in the same speed? So I decided to change diet. Pick Up Limes, another favorite youtube channel emphasized on the ineffectiveness of following a diet for weight loss. It should be all about developing a healthy lifestyle. To comply, I first took out pork and then followed by other kinds of animal meat. In order to support my protein needs, tofu and beans are mana from heaven for this problem.
Second: Develop a Skill or a Long-Desired Habit
In my family, I am labeled as the laziest. My room is always messy- bed undone, clothes scattered and books in all places. I will start with always making my bed from now on. The others will follow.
The other thing is learning a skill. Because I am an adrenaline seeker these days, I will go for cooking and making my own food. So according to Pick Up Limes, this will help me save more money for travel.
Third: Declutter
PUL said there should be no attachment to material things. Joshua Millburn said in his TED talk said memories are inside us not inside a box. Like healing physical wounds, it has to be cleaned first. In emotional pain, I thought maybe I need to do this. As painful as it may seem, I have to let go of my books. They are my most treasured hoarded stuff in the house. Its true, I will never read them again. So I guess I have to add value to their existence by giving them away. I will think of other things to let go after this.
This journey has just been started. I will take a leap of faith here, face the odds and start over. I will die and live anew. I will go away and start over. I will focus on myself.
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