YESTERDAY

yesterday, i went out with the group. first with the boyfriend because he does not belong to the group meaning i treat him differently than the rest of the others. not that the others are _ than him but its just that the boyfriend is only one, the others are many.

yesterday, i went out with the group and the boyfriend. and it was fun. i was so happy to see the group and the boyfriend. still, it is so different being with the group and the boyfriend and the other group. the other group has more activities, most of which i cannot indulge because it involves...

yesterday, i recall them talking about personalities and the other people they do not get along with. i do not remember myself talking because i was sleepy i was only listening. and someone mentioned melancholy- i heard MELONCHOLY. did the bitch inside me awaken? dang i miss that drink. still i was effin sleepy.

yesterday, i was supposed to go to BGH. but i so hate everything right now and still i want to think i love it. kasi sayang ang oras sa pag-iinarte.

the other day, i told Mayrick, shit friend i am fucking brainier than all those losers who graduated-referring to those i saw in the other school. i am fucking way better in most ways. why did we not graduate??? i know you are fucking good too! he said. it is fine with me, i am not yet prepared to face the real world. then i agreed. it is indeed true. i needed my mother's fucking finances to satisfy my whims even if that means forgetting the fucking passion of writing. fuck. after packing all those fucking books and wanting to sell them- i kept them because when i build my house huh i will have a fucking library for that.

yesterday, C shared some maudlinssss with the rest of us. well, i cannot judge her with how she deals with her dramas. well, me i just love myself and like my friends pride comes first, because that is the only thing you actually possess. although i had my share of fucking flirtatious flirtations which are fucking shameful well, tapos na yun. well, C i just think that it is always better to entertain anger than sadness and self-pity. anger awakens every single cell in your body and it is invigorating. like me, i am so angry with what i did, with what happened because hell i am so fucking intelligent i can pass all those fucking subjects even if i would not try. see, the others- they failed and they tried. i do not understand them. when you chose something you are prepared to whatever that decision will slap into your face. and when you did not choose it, well you can fucking blame everyone for it. but had you not chosen that? i hate people who complain over some things that they can actually do something about. everything is fucking possible when you want to. there is no question to that. because i can attest to that.

so why are you complaining? you are so lucky to be there.but you see, i must think of myself that bothering about who will be the next fucking president. to hell with that.