THINGS I THINK ABOUT

occasionally, i feel like i want to go far far far away from everything that surrounds me. and i do it often. and oftentimes i feel so great that i could jump in happiness at that but i won't- because that looks dorky.

all my life- i have stayed in this region somewhere over the mountains and the only chances i have to escape are field trips and other trips. although, i am so like my sister. or that like my sister i think we're bored living in here. but I'm not saying that i cannot call this place home. because i love it here. I'm just the kind of person who cannot stay in one seat forever.

i love water. i love beaches. i cannot forget the time when Nelia and me sat by the shore and watched sunrise. i remember how hard i tried to see. the sun went down so soon. but it was really a site. i loved it. i cannot forget beach encounters: with the friends, the Palawan shores and all the others. how i run to it and how the waves would stretch itself to reach my feet.

that is why i came up to a to-do list this summer: because boredom is consuming me. and i don't like boredom. although I'm not really that super busy person. i hate being sad. haha- here's my list

1. GO SEE A BEACH
2. DO THAT RESUME
3. ATTEND A MASS
4. SWIMMING]
5. SHOPPING: SHOES; BOOKS
6. SAVE UP FOR THAT
7. ATTEND THAT SEMINAR
8. IF I COULD/ GO TO VIGAN! TRY ALONE OR NOT
9. WRITE TALS/ SOME SONGS
10. I'M GETTING FAT: OMG.


that ends my list and i just hope that life will be happy this time.
1. my end-this-life thoughts would vanish
2. i wish that instead of me having eating by boredom I'll eat it instead.
3. I'll have that happy trip with him- actually the first time. i want to know how it is to be with someone. seriously.
4. just do something that makes sense

***

A DO NOT READ

i have imagined myself being heartbroken, heartbreak is an overused word and i hate using it. but that is the best word there is for such things. but this is so me. the reason i do not like indulging in things is because i do not believe in happy endings or that i never saw one.

so when i imagined myself being heartbroken. i do not know if i would cry. since i never believed in crying. still, i am so scared. how do i let go? right? there are a lot of what ifs that boom in my head. yet the Arlene in me would rather divert. i am the queen of diversions at that. and that save up something for pride. always. so that you can still embrace yourself afterwards.

i do not know why I'm posting this. maybe because i want so hard to fall in love but maybe i am starting to or maybe not yet, maybe I'm just denying it or maybe still on the process. its such a beautiful disaster- Kelly Clarkson. aaaaaaaaaargh! when Claudine asked me the whys in the relationship . well- i had known my answer since i ask myself these things: i told her because its just that i can stay with him for no matter how long. and though i find it weird but that is how i feel with my friends.- they are the people who i go out with every time without getting bored with each other. though sometimes for example, me and Laura would no longer talk but we'll just eat and sit and then talk about something when something would come up. sometimes i notice I'm the only one talking but that's the way of life.

sometimes i imagine that this would go on forever like how Claudine sees it with Adrian but I'm not that kind of person. i still know that guys will be guys (sorry) and its risky. aaargh again. this is one that makes me feel frustrated. " you found me"- Kelly clarkson again. i hate allowing myself to sink in all this stuff. one thing i know is that he's a great guy. flatter him, bitch. end this. stop it before i say more. xx