anything under the sun

what have you seen in your life?
have you seen people suffer? killed? tortured? raped? abused in the most inhumane way
have you felt other's pain? have known how they feel? have you?
what do you know about other people's lives?
haven't you judged them? and cursed them?
haven't you?

if not- what do you know then?

well i do believe that all of us have our own share of pain. but that never gave us the grounds to speak. why - why sometimes we think highly of ourselves, you- especially you. what do you think of yourself. you cannot speak that way if you never knew their pains- or any of that.

***

"i first thought he's not worth it; then i realized that it was i who was not right for him"-kypler and aileen

this is a couplet- i think. love, love- tedious.

what in the world do we do for it?- stupidity- super maudlin that leads to insanity. which is, in the end, not worth it. but people risk everything. hoping. wishing, waiting for falling stars in a cloudy sky -as if they see it. this is what i hate. why in the world do we still hope od happy-endings? i think they are hilarious jokes. sorry- am i being a cynic? well. i have seen enough-mistakes. so don't expect me to make them.

***
i saw how much they were in love with each other. then suddenly it ended just like that-

people tell me some secrets- i would not know what to say but i just listen- because that's the best thing to do. i figured out once that when somebody leans on you- do not bring out your problems too. instead, as i have said, just listen. then tell them they can do it- or everything happens for a reason and the like.

the thing with me is - i am easily influenced by everything they say. back in highschool few people tell me anything- its because i do much of the talking. well i miss those days. i cannot forget that person who called me and my peers " sayet" well obviously she used the word erroneously because "sayet" means flirts- we're not flirts. just irrationally noisy. oh how i miss those days. when life was so fun -i miss my old self- too strong, so sure of the world, and brave. whatta-

i was saying. -my friends. problems. <> sometimes their words stab me. and i have that hero-thing in me, you know fighting for others even if i am not actually involved. and that i am easily influenced -see, i do not leave people who need me, or that i think they need me. even i am the one compromised . even if i am the one always left alone. i still stay- maybe because my greatest blessing was having "some" great friends and a stone of a heart. why stone?- well at least i can pretend.

***

ha! this is the part that i regret most in my life. well -she said that there are a lot in this world . you cannot write something if you never felt it- sometimes it should not be just about you. place yourself in the shoes of others then- write about them. she said"do not just write about that; a person reading that would not know what to do -say something about solutions" -

i sought for bleeding and i have found it- and all the rest. when in the first place i should be graduating next year and become a nurse- and be rich- well, why is there a philanthropist in me!!!<>

***
i would like to apologize to those whom i had greatly disappointed. but i myself is on the process of proving something to you and to myself. grr- hey and i wanna brag- i got high scores!!! BRAGG- well nobody's hot in any of my classes well i do not really care -and i won't kill myself anymore. since there's a lot in this world for me to do- even if you keep on stopping them. i know i don't talk much now because sometimes i wish you would figure out that all i want is for you to understand and be happy for me. and just give me a chance- i cannot hate for not letting me go for what i want.because you are the one whom i love most in this world. but i think that i should do what i do best. i know you have dreams for me.but i really feel that it seemed that i am not living my life.-the sole reason that i almost died- don't you see? i know i am not practically speaking here with all my sentiments.but i thought that this is how i want to live my life. wouldn't you let me do that?