How to Love Yourself?

The Why

This bugged me for a while now. Because I am currently experiencing an extreme emotional breakdown, I decided save myself. No one else will do it. No matter how hard I tried to force other people to solve my problems all they can do is listen and be there. I am alone in this. In the first place, I caused this.

I knew I have two options. First, I can wallow in grief. There are many bars where I can swim in alcohol, or I can buy all the tissues in the world to wipe away my tears. Second, I can appreciate this time by focusing on myself, looking within me and reflecting on all my faults. i opted for the second option. See, its easy to say it but the question is always HOW?

Having no background in the science behind heartbreaks, I watched youtube videos. TED talks, meditation, yoga, vegan lifestyle and fitness videos were my go to videos. Based on the number of videos I watched, I can now say it is all about self-love. Self-love is the antidote. Antidote because I am the poison. Who told me that he has the responsibility to make me feel better? Who told me that he will always be there even if I treated him badly? Who told me to make him an emotional punching bag just because I do not feel good about myself? Who told me that in a relationship you have ownership rights towards another person? I will answer my own question. Nobody.

I know I may have let go of the most amazing man ever. Commendable because he lasted for years. So what will I do? I realized he was right. I may really be a damaged person who is always looking outward rather than inward. Or that I have to love myself. It was just impossible to burden another person with this.

I searched and searched for how to love yourself. Everyone has this vague definition related to peace of mind. I just learned about the basic. It is to take care of yourself. Noone will do that but you.

The How

1. Take care of your physical health. Start with exercising and aiming to be the best version of yourself.
2. Listen to motivational videos because it makes you realize that you have one life to live so go fight battles.
3. Strengthen your spirituality. Listen to songs and lectures. By acknowledging that there is a higher power in this world, there is nothing bigger than Him.
4. Develop healthy habits. Declutter your life or try to become a minimalist.
5. Meditate. When you take time to stop and reflect on the things around you, you become more aware of everything. Your problems are just a part of this existence. Count your blessings.

How I Do it? 

I try to wake up as early as 4 am. Someone said being early means you have that excitement towards the new day. Initially, I just did this to avoid conversations with my housemates. Now, I just want the feeling of victory, I got up early.
Upon waking up I listen to motivational videos while making myself some tea and drinking it all up. After that, I watch fitness videos like exercise or yoga. This part I feel most challenged because it was decades since I did anything physical.

A lot of my loved ones are concerned if I am okay. I usually tell them what I do so that nobody gets worried. Whenever I am bursting into tears I stand and exercise until my face is red and dripping with sweat. It is so effective I became so addicted to the muscle pain. However, it came to a point where it is no longer as effective as it was before. I guess I have to acknowledge my sadness. I tried registering in an online counseling but it was expensive. So I decided to blog about it. This is my journey to self-love and living life with no expectations.

To God be All the Glory!