It has been months since I have been in this same phase of transition. Every sad movie and every love song seem to have been made for me. Maybe, this is the part where I allow myself to drown in my own emotions. The danger is, I might not be able to go back and be happy again.
I look back in the past and searched for the things I did wrong. There was none because I have loved him even up to now. It just angers me that he seems happy now. Maybe I am that easy to let go. For days, I have been trying to interpret how these things came to be. Maybe he still loves me but must let go. Maybe he has another and he has to let go. Or just that he does not love me anymore and has to let me go. Trying to think about these things is useless. He is gone and that is for good.
What happens to me now? I actually feel worthless and ugly but I know that I am not. To think I am those is just to explain to the whole world why he left me. But actually, I know very well that I am neither and never those words. He left me without any reason at all. He chose to turn his back and gave no reason as to why and how this break up came to be. Until now, I do not know why. Was he just being civil to not tell me that he became bored and that he finds me worthless and ugly already?
Everyday, I am at war with my emotions. I just want to cry and be sad most of the times. For what? Well, for that blind faith that he might know and come back to save me from himself. On the other hand, I entertain the idea that he is a **** who ruined my views on love. He said he will love me always. Obviously, he lied because he left me.
Still, I am happy that I am now experiencing this life-changing moment. Just that I entertained it so much that I find it somehow difficult to get off this sadness. But then, I know that I can.
I have met a love of people who have been in this phase. And they all told me that things will get better but it surely does feel like hell. My mother even told me that well, they come and go.
There are also those new acquaintances, whom I wonder where'd-she-get-that-happiness? Later, I learned that she came from a broken-heart.
For the past months, there is a number of times where thunder strikes of realization hit me. And these are my rays of sun now.
1. That happiness is indeed a choice. It shall come from you and yourself alone. If you base your happiness on something or someone, it is a very big mistake. We only live once, we all know that, so just play the song and be merry.
2. To spend a long time being sad is a waste of time. Just allot a few minutes being sad but not days or months. You might not realize this now but when you are over this, you will agree.
3. Never make decisions while you are in this stage. This is very difficult. The secret is, just go on living. even if you are dying and you are no longer effective just go along. People will surely understand because either they have been there or they sympathize.
4. You are surrounded with love from all around you. That you practically lived and survived because of that love. But then, right now, the love you chose and focused on is gone. Well, accept it. There was never something wrong about you. Lastly, this is the best time to love yourself too.
No comments:
Post a Comment