PPP-PITY

when i cried in front of a guy , i never felt pathetic, what i felt was- weird.weird because, i never thought i could do it.

i hated crying because it is a sign of powerlessness. but at that point in my life, all i could do is cry. and to cry on someone who actually tried to lift me up, helped so much. i must say that i will never forget those people who were by my side and stayed till i was fine. at times like those, it is when you see who people really are: those who watch, act, and stay; those who turn their backs and talk; those who followed the flow; those who were real and those who were not what they seem to be.

i never hated them, it is so wrong to blame other people without digging deeper on what you could have done and what really happened. from that i learned how to look at myself, full-length in front of a mirror (at first i thought i will never see the same smile i had...) but falling, breaking and being in the most difficult chapters in one's life all leads to standing and living again, stronger than before. now, i can say that crying is not a sign of weakness but strength in admitting powerlessness,which is what strength really is.

before, i know that i have so many unrouted principles in life, which is funny because i realize that i had been too superficial in how i looked at life. the person before was too young but what made her think the way she thinks now is- how she was pushed to limits, she never imagined and how she felt what pain really is.

i am not yet tough. but i am trying to be. I'm still trying to build up myself and what i really am. i am still on my quest to finding out how to love myself and become a part of my own life. for it had been hardest to depend on others, it hurts to know that all along nobody would reach out for you (if you would do something wrong people usually turn away, seldom do people stay to allow you to become better) i do not want to blame other people, it was never their acts that resulted to this, but mine: because this is my life.