Commitments
The fear of commitment is paralyzing us. We choose to shield ourselves, run away or shut down when the feeling starts creeping in.
Upon discussion, it was dissected that the reason behind this is the unresolved issue of the past. Why? How? And when? Of course, it is not his fault or her fault again that we became this fucked-up person that we are right now. This is the choice we have made when those shadows crept in and ate our sanity.
We wonder what are we losing in this choice? We say the sanctuary, the peace and the security of the walls so high no one will ever reach us in the inside. Let them all die in the war outside- them who chose to stay there. In the end we will still be alive.
Other people would jump off cliffs and take a lot of risks. We would too but not on the matters of the heart. We are those whose minds and hearts are merged as one in a reason not rational enough for the world to understand. It is important for us to wrap ourselves in armors of the hardest steels because we are too important to risk it. We are the kings and queens of the kingdom and must be protected at all times.
It is our choice.
Stress Relievers
Sometimes, I want to explode like a bomb. Exploding is intentional so that all those around us will burn in the fire we have created. Then I resurrect like a phoenix and look at the ruins of my demise. I laugh and celebrate my victor by stepping on the remains of my enemies.
In reality, I chose to hit the gym and work my ass out.
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Friday, December 19, 2014
Losing Weight
I have read a number of weight loss strategies, diet, excercise and all other related matters such us motivating oneself and perseverance.
This is what I have found is effective. Obsess yourself on thinking that you are so ugly because you are so fat. You have to think that in terms of beauty, you have none of it. Zero. You have to tell yourself that the answer to a very low self esteem is a very thin you.
Just in case you do this, always check on yourself. Do you know when to stop? Do you know what is enough? So what I did was to watch a lot of Victoria's Secret Fashion Shows, read a lot of their work out strategies and their motivations. It became my image of perfection- a nice butt, flat tummy and toned arms and legs. That is all.
Right now I am pretty sure that I am getting there. So it is time to hype up the self-esteem. I have to start going back to my pride-packed heart and mind. Life will soon be beautiful. This will be done by surrounding myself with the people I love that is the only thing that will effectively get me back on the horse.
The will to Losing weight is all a state of the mind. It could be due to health, self-esteem or others. I have discovered that such will must be so strong and so morbid that it will affect the very core of your soul. In my case, it started with the clothes not fitting me already. Next thing is all people around me telling me that I am so fat. I took no notice at first, until I saw stretch marks and cellulites on my legs, arms, abdomen and back. My butt is flabby and I have a very big stomach. I have noticed that no clothes would look good on me. It dawned on me, hit me hard in the head that I do not like the image of me anymore. I am not happy with the fat version of me. Which is the next point that I have realized in losing weight. It must be because you want to. Regardless of any other related reasons like health, good image or anything. It must be because you want to be healthy, you want to look good and your basis of looking good is thin. If not the words losing weight would just be two words put together.
Last words : make it a disease but know when you are healed.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Surigao: details and reflections. Part Three of Many Parts
Other activities:
1. Caving
2. Snorkeling
3. Sun bathing
4. Watching jellyfishes
5. Diving from various heights
6. The best part : devouring seafoods. Lobsters, prawns, crabs, various kinds of fishes of your own liking. They are cooked according to your preference. For foodies, this is heaven on earth, true love or walking in the aisle with Brad Pitt as your groom.
Lastly, I went home with a smile on my face. It has been a week and I am still walking on cloud 9. Surigao is a place to return to. The world is indeed a beautiful place.
Surigao: details and reflections. Part Two of Many Parts
Day 3 of the Surigao adventure.
We had to stay at the hotel in precaution of the anticipated landfall of the storm, internationally named as Hagupit. But then the storm has a very very slow movement and it seemed like everyone has an interpretation about where its heading. This aroused our tantrums and sensitivities. But the clowns in us won because we started laughing about everything, while talking about other people whom we abhor, loved and well, others who are personally unpleasant to us.
We had to stay at the hotel in precaution of the anticipated landfall of the storm, internationally named as Hagupit. But then the storm has a very very slow movement and it seemed like everyone has an interpretation about where its heading. This aroused our tantrums and sensitivities. But the clowns in us won because we started laughing about everything, while talking about other people whom we abhor, loved and well, others who are personally unpleasant to us.
Day 4 of our Surigao adventure.
We are on our way to Sohotton island. Kuya Fran rented a van for us to get there. The decision was in collaboration with the group. If we take the public transportation it will take us three hours to get there whereas if we go private it is only 1.5hours.
The presence of the storm in this area is still indefinite. Sure there are occassional rain showers and sudden gusts of strong winds. But we have convinced ourselves that this is not enough to stop us from taking the yet best adventure of our lives.
When we finally arrived at the port. The skies seemed to be opening itself up like its happy to see us. We waited for the boat to arrive. The voyage was about an hour. There was a part where the waves were wild and it scared the hell out of us because the water is splashing into the boat and our gadgets are out. I was checking out the guide who ,I'm guessing, is about our age and is yet the best looking person I have seen in the area. But my later observations led me to something disappointing that I cannot disclose here.
As arranged, we were brought to our accommodation in Cinnamon Island. The place is serene. The water was somewhat turquoise, green, blue and clear. Believe me, it is possible. There were Cinnamon trees, white sand and cottages that screamed luxurious rest! The staff were so friendly and courteous. I can say everyone was nice.
We settled down and the owner served us Cinnamon tea and told us they are selling some of its wood for brewing which is100 per pack. Then we geared up for the next thing to do. By gearing up, I meant sunblock, swimming outfits, camera and switching the very daring adventurous side of our person.
We used this boat to tour around the area. See, the group of islands is called Bucas Grande and each of the islands have different names. The tour guides explained the meaning of the names of the islands, specified some of the remarkable stone formations and rock discoloration and instructed us well in the process. There was this are where we had to sit low on the boat while going inside a cave and had to lie flat on the water because the oyster shells on the ceiling are sharp.
We later learned that the tides dictate the places we can go. There are different areas that we can access during high tide and during low tide.
Surigao: of details and reflections Part one of many parts
Day One
Surigao is a place of solitude, adventure and self-discovery. When we arrived at the Airport in Butuan, we rented a car that will take us to the various places in our itenerary. We haggled with the driver who later changed the bounds of the agreement by adding additional charges like his food expenses and later ditching us with the lame reason of car damages, which forced us to transfer to another vehicle who was also cheated by this driver. I hate myself for this. I forgot the rule of contracts, always establish the word of the contract for it will always be the law binding the two parties. Well, he was one driver among the many drivers of the place. I believe not everyone is like him.
Tinuy-an Falls
Infinity pool. Calm flowing water. Water falls as high as the sky.
These are the few words that can describe Tinuy-an Falls.
Activities:
1. Picture taking
2. We rented a raft that allowed us to go nearer to where the water is falling. It was so great Karine has a water proof camera. The water is magically cool. We swam and had a head and shoulder massage from the falling water.
3. The falls have two levels. So after the raft, we went up and enjoyed the place of infinity pools and smooth falling water. The pictures are so awesome!
After that we went to the next destination. The Surigao Tourist Inn. A four-hour-ride
Day two.
Day 2 of the Surigao adventure.
The storm was like an impending war that has an undeniable result. We will be lost. Hagupit has a vast size that will cover almost half of the country. Yet here we are a thousand miles and more than a hundred islands away from home. We are comfortably housed in Surigao Tourist Inn. The place is cozy but in the first night an army of bed mites almost ate my leg. In the morning, I had several red spots in my legs. Thank God for antihistamine the problem was resolved as soon as it can bother me. My companions did not seem to have the same dilemma so I cannot say that the place was mite infested.
To kill time, we went to the mall and decided to shop for some stuff that we think are needed. Karine and Kuya Fran delved into the hands of the massagers who are in the lobby area. While the rest waited and I walked around. When everyone was done we went to have a coffee in Figaro. As always, the name never failed to satisfy my tastebuds.
Then we went to the public market. There was a funny incident that I just have to share. When we ask around where the public market is no one knows where it is. But when we say palengke the directions come out fast as a bullet. None of us speak Bisaya so we had to repeatedly say that Tagalog po. I am loving the group because all of us have different personalities that really complement each and everyone's deficiency. Like when we talk to men, we put our most soft spoken soldier in the front. If the person seem to need some agressiveness the authoritative one will stand up. These are just some of the instances that will show that we are a team in dealing with all the challenges that are consecutively coming up.
The night was the best part of them all. We get to go to This restaurant who are known for their seafoods. The place was literally awesome. They had Lapu-lapu fish- class a, b and c, prawns, crabs, squids and a lot more. We ordered mixed seafood one in curry and one cooked in gata, and prawns grilled with sumptuous lemon butter. It was heavenly. We went home happy like children when they are happy.
The typhoon has not yet made its landfall.
Surigao is a place of solitude, adventure and self-discovery. When we arrived at the Airport in Butuan, we rented a car that will take us to the various places in our itenerary. We haggled with the driver who later changed the bounds of the agreement by adding additional charges like his food expenses and later ditching us with the lame reason of car damages, which forced us to transfer to another vehicle who was also cheated by this driver. I hate myself for this. I forgot the rule of contracts, always establish the word of the contract for it will always be the law binding the two parties. Well, he was one driver among the many drivers of the place. I believe not everyone is like him.
Tinuy-an Falls
Infinity pool. Calm flowing water. Water falls as high as the sky.
These are the few words that can describe Tinuy-an Falls.
Activities:
1. Picture taking
2. We rented a raft that allowed us to go nearer to where the water is falling. It was so great Karine has a water proof camera. The water is magically cool. We swam and had a head and shoulder massage from the falling water.
3. The falls have two levels. So after the raft, we went up and enjoyed the place of infinity pools and smooth falling water. The pictures are so awesome!
After that we went to the next destination. The Surigao Tourist Inn. A four-hour-ride
Day two.
Day 2 of the Surigao adventure.
The storm was like an impending war that has an undeniable result. We will be lost. Hagupit has a vast size that will cover almost half of the country. Yet here we are a thousand miles and more than a hundred islands away from home. We are comfortably housed in Surigao Tourist Inn. The place is cozy but in the first night an army of bed mites almost ate my leg. In the morning, I had several red spots in my legs. Thank God for antihistamine the problem was resolved as soon as it can bother me. My companions did not seem to have the same dilemma so I cannot say that the place was mite infested.
To kill time, we went to the mall and decided to shop for some stuff that we think are needed. Karine and Kuya Fran delved into the hands of the massagers who are in the lobby area. While the rest waited and I walked around. When everyone was done we went to have a coffee in Figaro. As always, the name never failed to satisfy my tastebuds.
Then we went to the public market. There was a funny incident that I just have to share. When we ask around where the public market is no one knows where it is. But when we say palengke the directions come out fast as a bullet. None of us speak Bisaya so we had to repeatedly say that Tagalog po. I am loving the group because all of us have different personalities that really complement each and everyone's deficiency. Like when we talk to men, we put our most soft spoken soldier in the front. If the person seem to need some agressiveness the authoritative one will stand up. These are just some of the instances that will show that we are a team in dealing with all the challenges that are consecutively coming up.
The night was the best part of them all. We get to go to This restaurant who are known for their seafoods. The place was literally awesome. They had Lapu-lapu fish- class a, b and c, prawns, crabs, squids and a lot more. We ordered mixed seafood one in curry and one cooked in gata, and prawns grilled with sumptuous lemon butter. It was heavenly. We went home happy like children when they are happy.
The typhoon has not yet made its landfall.
Values in Life
I would rather read your mind than these books.
I would rather understand your soul than know the meaning of every word.
Why change? Why kneel to the whims of lust? Of hunger? And of pity?
I have met you in one of the sunsets of my life. You have been so perfect for such timing. You slowed the darkness setting in. You pulled me up before the monster can pull me down again in the pits of misery and broken glasses.
You were an epitome of will, confidence and perseverance. But not anymore. Why are you doing this? One of these days I will ask you. Ask you why you ruin the answers I thought were right for so long. You are just like the rest of the villains in the movies. You changed sides and I did not even blink my eyes. You weak creature. You have knees made of jelly and a heart made of coal. You have the will of a very tall grass that bends in the direction of the wind. You stood so high and yet you have no dignity to show the rest of us. Step down my lord, before your leaves wilt and you die because you have no cause. No purpose in life and no advocacy.
Have you not thought of the children? Of those who are affected by your actions? Have you not thought of those who will be devastated by your acts? You worthless scum. You whore. You murdered the image of a perfect family by telling me that you did what you have to? Because you have to find that carnal release and you need the money?
You are a garbage. The dirt in the garbage. The bacteria in a garbage.
But then again, my hatred towards you have nothing to do with me. I just want to understand because you are beyond the bounds of my impression of humanity. The saint in me wants to hope that you change your ways so that this world will be a better place to live in.
I will be saving the world soon. Are you sure you want to be the bad guy?
I would rather understand your soul than know the meaning of every word.
Why change? Why kneel to the whims of lust? Of hunger? And of pity?
I have met you in one of the sunsets of my life. You have been so perfect for such timing. You slowed the darkness setting in. You pulled me up before the monster can pull me down again in the pits of misery and broken glasses.
You were an epitome of will, confidence and perseverance. But not anymore. Why are you doing this? One of these days I will ask you. Ask you why you ruin the answers I thought were right for so long. You are just like the rest of the villains in the movies. You changed sides and I did not even blink my eyes. You weak creature. You have knees made of jelly and a heart made of coal. You have the will of a very tall grass that bends in the direction of the wind. You stood so high and yet you have no dignity to show the rest of us. Step down my lord, before your leaves wilt and you die because you have no cause. No purpose in life and no advocacy.
Have you not thought of the children? Of those who are affected by your actions? Have you not thought of those who will be devastated by your acts? You worthless scum. You whore. You murdered the image of a perfect family by telling me that you did what you have to? Because you have to find that carnal release and you need the money?
You are a garbage. The dirt in the garbage. The bacteria in a garbage.
But then again, my hatred towards you have nothing to do with me. I just want to understand because you are beyond the bounds of my impression of humanity. The saint in me wants to hope that you change your ways so that this world will be a better place to live in.
I will be saving the world soon. Are you sure you want to be the bad guy?
Friday, July 4, 2014
Entry: While Walking Down the Stairs
I have begun to understand that my life is not about earning money and becoming rich. Rather it is about getting to know the threshold of my capabilities- when do I get tired and when do I stop. It was tricky at first because there are so many standards to be based upon. I thought I can compare myself with other people but then again, a standard must be so perfect and nobody is perfect.
" I thought I can compare myself with other people but then again, standard must be so perfect and nobody is perfect"
So I created my own standard which has no boundaries but the measure of my body's strength. I will continue while I can and stop when I die. When things go rough in my case, I will convince myself not to complain and remember what my life is all about. Of course, this comes with trying to contribute efforts to make this place a better world to live in.
" I thought I can compare myself with other people but then again, standard must be so perfect and nobody is perfect"
So I created my own standard which has no boundaries but the measure of my body's strength. I will continue while I can and stop when I die. When things go rough in my case, I will convince myself not to complain and remember what my life is all about. Of course, this comes with trying to contribute efforts to make this place a better world to live in.
" It's not about me. It's a legacy. Its what you choose to leave behind for the future generations" - Iron Man
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Entry: On Wondering What Went Wrong
I fell in love with him when I heard him play the guitar. The strings let out a few notes. So slow. One string after the other. When he begun singing, I looked at him. That was the moment I gave my heart away . It was that simple, I guess.
His voice dug deeper caves for me to seek solitude in a promise which never gave away truth. That song never seemed to have ended because it went on even after he went away and sang other songs to another girl.
It appears to be that I was that stupid to even have that thought. My mind played tricks on me. I have made a fantasy, a story that was too good to be true. It was wrong to associate real-life men with those who I have found in books. What I have encountered was a mistake that has to be made and a risk that has to be taken. This is the problem with enthusiasts of the idea of love. It is the shithole that all hopeless romantics are stuck in. This is the reason why most of those like me are single. Well, the others are just lucky. I know I got caught in the midst of enjoying the euphoria. When it ended, I ate the scrapes like a scavenger, who waited for the restaurant to close and throw away the garbage. At first, I thought it was fun. But there were no more leftovers, there was nothing but self pity and self-loathing.
Last words: Everything turned out to be alright.
"We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad. " - Alice in Wonderland
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