THEY CAN FORGIVE; BUT THEY CAN NEVER FORGET

i don't know, maybe i am like any animal that is breathing right now. they have defense mechanisms. the kind that could either hurt others or leave them unaffected. so, i was just wondering, if I'm going to tell her: you are no longer a friend to me, i no longer know you, go away. then suddenly the day i thought of not going to that celebration, people started texting me of forget-the-past quotes.

my defense is actually this: i am so open. i am so vulnerable, fragile. say it. people could hurt, they could be stronger. but whatever! do what you want but you'll never have the chance to do it again.

am i again starting? one time i heard someone say: well, that is what writers do. i forgot what she added up on that. it was something like feasting on emotions. i was insulted. first, i really don't know if that was me. or if i should regard myself as a writer. or whatsoever. well, what they never knew was that this is all that i have. the only thing where i can spill everything, without exposing myself and all. i was kind of offended at the same time i remember what my aunt told me, in everything we do , we should show something, make people learn. that is the duty of artists. we cannot pull them from their world. but i was hurt by the statement: that's what writers do. am i wrong? that as if she looked down on me? and on my kind? well, hell i care( of course i care)

here is where i ponder: people read, people see. everything that we do. and in any way that sometimes we do not notice, we affect the others, we create changes. that is where we enter, what kind of change do we do? maybe people do not see it. maybe people do not care. but we do. we can be prostitutes too, we sell our beings, our thoughts, no, not sell, we practically give them away because that is what we do.

i don't know, if sometimes we criticize people we can never get away from praising ourselves or else we'll end up cursing who we are.

this morning when i was riding the jeepney the woman in the middle said: istimaren yu gamin ta pagtugaw yu (sit properly so that there'll be more space) then i looked at her and saw her sitting, her legs diagonal. ironically, i was sitting that way too.

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yesterday, my nose bled like that when i was hit by a volleyball. really dripping blood from my nostrils. well, i liked blood. i thought it would stop but it didn't.