Camp Sawi - Another Movie for the Heartbroken

Women make men their world. Everything will revolve around a man. This includes all future plans, present plans and all the time in the days of their lives. And then they leave. Devastation, confusion and self-doubt will sink in. Self pity is the word. 

I have been through this once and now I just had the second heartbreak. In my first heartbreak, I think I am one of those girls who went to Camp Sawi. Today, I feel like I am an expert on the matter. You see, upon learning the facts you have two options: first, to cry and; second,to divert that energy into something productive. In my past posts, I have been discussing how I am doing this. 

The real questions in a heartbreak are- why are you crying because someone left you? (you are mean) Haven't you seen the signs? (No it came as a shock) Did you turn a blind eye on all the things that tell you he does not love you anymore? (I guess) What just happened? (women happened) Is something wrong with you? Can't you work it out? (No you cannot)

Overwhelming questions that has no plausible answers. I tried digging for answers but I failed. To this day, I realized maybe there are just no answers to questions why a love can end. It just happens. They just stop. 

What to do? 

Look within yourself. Why are you hurt? It is because you are not strong enough. Nobody will help you but you alone. So wipe your tears, stand up and smile. You go find something better to do than crying your eyes out. You will feel more pain by dwelling in the pain. Find an activity where your energy for crying can be released. Camp Sawi is a great place to do yoga, run, and learn how to bake. However, it is fictional so I guess you find a place where you can do those!  

If you read this in entirety I want to hug you and push you off the cliff. Strength comes from within so go and spread your wings. 

Rainbow's Sunset: A Review

When one's life is coming to an end, a review is being done. All achievements, all legacies and most importantly, all the love given and taken. All relationships will be reunited. Memories will be told. Everything that can be taken will be organized and packed. 

In the story of Ramon, it is spending time with those who matter, seeking for forgiveness and saying " I love you." Saying you love another can be in so many forms. It can be in words or actions. In a family set up it is all about presence- physical or not. It is understanding another regardless of your stand in life. It is giving time for wounds to heal. It is something constant that no one can take it away. 

This is a movie that is almost painful to watch. It contains so many realities too awkward to address, like Pandora's box. Questions avoided will soon knock for answers, even at the end of one's life. It took courage for a family to face it. Whatever happened, love prevailed. 

In this movie, I learned that problems will be there. It will never be avoided. Pain will come with it, in an inevitable and debilitating manner. However, it is not a reason to stop. You cannot stop to lick your wounds. You just have to get a band aid, cover the wound and endure the process. I am not there yet, but in the movie, they all came out with a bigger understanding in life. So I guess, I will be okay.  

What to Do Next?

I keep on writing to survive this heartbreak. There are so many questions. And yet, the answers are obvious. Some of us think of never giving up. I am at a crossroad. All I know is that he hates me already and he is so cold even when I was there. And some of us think of doing everything to get him back. How will I untangle him from the arms of another? Can’t he just find his way back to me?

He found peace. And that was without me in it. I am the war in his world. Some of us think I did less. Maybe I realized I have a problems. He is right. I do not deserve him. He does not love me anymore.

In one of the episodes of Sex and the City, Carrie said something about when is enough enough? Was it a masochistic characteristic to endure pain and fight for love when the other party obviously does not want you already? In another episode, she said something about always choosing the wrong kind of men. I contemplated on how the characters were and obviously I am not Carrie. I am Miranda. If the cog will not fit in the peg, it will never go inside. Life is simpler that way.

Relationships does not work like contracts. In a relationship, one of the parties can just stop loving and you cannot force him or her to love again or just requite the love given. In a contract, you can enforce your right based on the agreement, verbal or non-verbal. Thus, you cannot tell another person to love you still because he said he will love you forever. This is just one of the things that cannot be dictated by any force of nature. It just happens. This is a simple concept that is very difficult to accept. But in all aspects of life: acceptance is the key.

Stop the Hate

I want to be silent but they keep on asking me- why we broke up? what about the wedding? Is there a wedding? What happened? What did you do? It was so difficult but I tried to reason out for him. This is all my fault. See, in an effort to avoid my family and friends from hating him, I said this. It came to a point that I stopped explaining. I do not owe anyone an explanation. I am doing great and I am happy for him. I love him so much that as long as he is happy I am happy. This is how I will love from a distance. Besides, I am loving this time for myself. 

Do Not Drink Alcohol

In my younger years, alcohol is my go to comfort zone. I realize now it was not. If you are reading this and you are heartbroken too, I suggest you go to a gym and express all the pain there. It is so euphoric, I felt the worst body pain. It can override a heartbreak. A gym can offer a lot of things- kickboxing, a lot of classes and weights, among other things. You can choose anything that will make you express all the pent up energy when you just want to burst into crying. I do a lot of spinning classes and it is so addictive. I got bored at some point so that was when I included some pilates, zumba and I am planning to do some yoga if I want to lay low. 

What I learned from working out?

1. When you can lift it, you can lift anything in life. There are a lot of physically challenging activities. I was so proud of myself hurdling one after another. Though I know there are a lot more. 
2. Self Love. The best version of your physical self and what's more? It affects emotional and mental health too. For once, stop asking love from other people, give it all to yourself. 
3. Having people around will make you feel that you are not alone. In a gym, people mind their own business but you are all present doing the same thing.