I tried something today. that is to find my inner peace, like in Kung Fu Panda 2. the little monkey said, you can find it when you are in emotional turmoil- not the exact words though.
this morning, I wrote the best of literature- as I call it on a piece of tissue paper that was soaked in left over coffee afterwards. I was full of anger something that I cannot control- my dear lover once said it makes me vulnerable. of course, I became suicidal again. I thought of the ways to kill myself like hangingg on a rope or shooting myself. however, I cannot have access to both since I just bought this fucking expensive clothing and splurged on some smokes, movies and food.
see, first, I have to thank Mychael Alberto for introducing, Mild Seven. I call it my therapist now. I guess I can no longer live without this.
Then I prayed for one thing. I wish I would die and relive this life. But of course that would be impossible. See, sometimes my thoughts are just plain fucking stupid that you don't dare to listen. I am hating. If you notice, I do not have a focus on things. I guess I still do not know myself, I guess. Or I am just unlucky that I am surrounded by so many fucking control freaks who should have fixed their own lives! What the hell is wrong with you people? Did you bring me to life just so you can boss me around. As soon as I will have savings again I would be buying things for ending my life. If I do not get out of here.
I just wish they would also try t understand me. (I imagine speaking this with an Indian accent- gorgeous)
