when we grieve, our tears flow, consumating the remaining sanity we hands still have. them (sanity) slowly escaping from our fingers like sands of time. but-
but the world can never understand these. so we conceal what should be kept as a secret- morose...
hey! do not think like that. do not ever think differently of yourself. i still smell those humid tears that stained your being. i saw. i know.
***
THE PARTY
"it started in the morning
when the other girls were asleep
we swayed with the music
sweat flowing with our hips."
one thing i never understood. one thing i have just known. the world is so different from what i have known, you know. i saw them. and the thing is, they never gave a fuzz about the things that i have cared for so much. people are different. there was a moment right there and there that i wanted to stop and just stare at the people around me. they were all lost. i mean, we were all lost. while dancing with the rest of the people i felt lost in the middle of everything. the world was really different out there. it was fun. time, was not even running. we never thought of time. but worry came when the bar started to close. the day ended and the sun shall soon rise. (that time it was already 4 am) however, in that kind of world- it started to sleep but the real one was already waking up. the real one is where we belong. but the other world has taken so much of us already- there's nothing left to give. i am so sorry for those who were compromised by such actions. we thought nobody cared, did anyone? ( i just realized that i was almost awake for two straight days!)
later, on the second part of that day, i told someone that i know a place where we can fish some guys(*sorry, i'm not used to saying names- been there) well, a place where guys are easy but... she/he said that it is not what she was trying to find. in return, i told her that you can't be that- nothing can be serious now. but i do understand your point. for me, i just won't be that. i am so sorry, maybe, for myself. maybe i am still shocked from what i saw- two people completely as one then after that, two people gone. i shall not curse their actions because that is what reality is, i mean. my dear friend, i would have wanted to ask "what was that?" they ruined my "firsts". i shall refuse to believe- if you say that such thing still exists. for now i think i would just enjoy life, for what it is, not for what it never had.(end)
***
i think i must have to pause from my addictions- it nearly had me killed. /died. i suddenly had a hyperventilation together with a crazy head ache along with a nausea and nearly vomitting series. i really felt bad that time, i was even alone. well, i think some people might be happy for me. god that feeling sucked! i won't ever dare to feel that again. maybe- /
***
today, i am really happy with my life. at least. my theories are true, (i just proved them) when you are sad, you go deep to that emotion, like you shall submerge yourself in that. you'd either, be sadder, or be bored being sad. sometime you'll find a way how to be happy
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