UNSEX ME- shakespeare

i tried. tried to - but i failed. i hated failing you know, since then defeat was always there. you too. you- ruined everything, until now. " i thought it was me." sometimes i always think that it is not always other people, sometimes it is just you. this is not the only thing that i do not understand. i had always been there for you, i stayed when you seemed to flood the world with your tears, i stayed when they left you, i was there when nobody was there for you. no- i am not asking for any pay-backs...

i am now listening to Everything by michael Buble- currently my favorite song. i miss my friend who i know can sing this for me in front of a crowd. (hah! ). i said "unsex me" because people around me want to control me. or that people want to change the course of my world. they want to stop my world. they want me to die. i say die because my life is my happiness, without it i am nothing but dead. so what makes me happy then? - everything- the sun that rises, the moon , the stars -everything, i sound corny(i guess)

i have just heard the now-famous soundtrack of the upcoming movie of Twilight- Decode by Paramore. i must say it is so vampirish. well, of course the singer is a being with a great voice. i have read that Pattinson wrote a song for the movie, it was "never think"?- sometimes i wish it was that easy,- do something , make it happen.

i have just seen "that" and i am so disappointed. sometimes i wish i could say that i am a stone, a rock, a boulder, a mountain. but i am but a human. still, a human. i cried myself one night for everything that i have kept inside me. for everything that i have suppressed within. i have a lot of questions. a lot of negations that i would want to scream to other people. i think it would be wrong to say that i am a pessimist rather, i must say that i am realistic. ayt? i hated everything. snd sometimes, being a writer- it sucks that we have to see things differently, this is so hard. to be strong when you are weak. when nothing could be done. i hate it, when things do not go my way, when things fail for those whom i love so much- grr- enough of that.

i said Unsex me by shakespeare because i regret some things. if only it is possible to "Unsex". it is so funny, there was this thing, this guy that i liked so much- well, he likes someone. and this other guy (well, i like a lot of guys.-i mean when i see one its so easy to like him right>?. so i found out that the other guy was a gay, and the other didn't like me and i don't know why. uhum!!!

i miss him. i wish time flies back. i wish i could've done something at least. i hope. i think there's something wrong with me, with the way i release my emotions. i think... but i just can't be weak. i mean crying is weak. hate it. by the way this is good bye. bye blog.