MY GRANDFATHER'S ROOM

maybe i have not tried harder. but the moment i stepped in that room i have never felt at home. but the pain of seeing life fade away has not yet faded itself. the pain of losing still lingers. and i am still grieving. i know that it might be selfish-insensitive that i still wanted to feel what its like. to have that father in him. and maybe life was just that - gee i am blaming life??? maybe it was never meant for me. i wanted so much to breathe. so i did.

there was one thing. after that i never wanted to stay there again. because i do not like placing my mind- on a plan to live there to be with him. yes ma'am- i would be a good nurse- you were told me that. but why was i never given that chance to show it.? why only to other people-yes they needed it, i gave them what they have to be given: service, compassionate care. yes ma'am- i turned away from my foolish writing passion and my lowly dream of being a teacher- because i thought that i was doing it for the love of a person who, i realized, fail to see my efforts. thus, unwilling to let go of a man, i think, she illusions to love her. then. i have to let go too right? because my life, is not her life. i have to live because someday I'd die too. and i have to fight for these things i yearn for, right? i am sorry- if i would never be that good nurse. i shall carry all those words in my heart. after all. being a nurse never pertained solely to those who stay in hospitals. nurses are everywhere ma'am. i hope that you would understand such decisions. you yourself had let us go too...


so, i have to say goodbye to my grandfather's room. although and all the things. i shall never forget him and his life: as the man by the window, as the man who changed lives by merely existing. thank you