It is a battle that I must face everyday. In my mind, my thoughts wrestle between going straight to the bar and drink all the alcohol they have or not doing that.
Everyday, I gather strength from the little stock I have kept in my sanity. My prayers will always include getting over this and having victory.
I always wonder, which is better? Is it to talk about it or not really even think of it. Occasionally, either of them is effective. Sometimes, none of them is effective. By then, I would find myself drinking in any bar that first came to my mind. I know that this is self destruction. Right now, I hate the authors who told me through the books I read that the men will come and save me when I needed them or specifically when I am self-destructing. You ruined my life by telling me that such men exist.
So here I am again. Lost in my sadness and drowning in my sorrow.
But then, I am bigger than this. I will go to school now and just be there.
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