AFTER I WATCHED SILVER LINING

So what if I got my heart broken? I drunk myself to death and it is still there. I craved for chocolates, cigarettes coffee and a lot more. But it is still there. 

Before this, I know that I myself have complications. Then I found someone whom I can lean on. I made him the wall that I can still stand straight. I made him the reason for my happiness and the reason to smile. I made him the person I ran to when I have a bad day. He left me. I am alone now. 

People, who are outside my situation, will think that I am being weak and pathetic. That I have to be strong because I am. I was even told that I am supposed to know what I am doing. But I do not really. I have no idea how to cope with this. I never had this. I no longer have that wall to lean on and that person to ran to because I am having a very bad time. What am I supposed to do without him.

For months and months I thought of this. I watched movies and read self-help books. I realized that I actually knew what I must do but I do not want those options. These options include moving on and just accepting that he is gone. If I look back, I just cannot do that. Then there is this voice behind my head that tells me and pushes me forward.  Nudging me to make the right decisions. I am so scared that I might not become the same person after this. I might lose that girl who loved the idea of love. But let us face it. Let us be it. Have fun my love. This is just the journey towards becoming that better person.