Indeed you are the father I never had. Not the one whom I expected to comfort me in times of despair and the one who will tell me that I can do anything.
I wrote this letter to tell you what has been happening to me in the past months. Well, it was a roller-coaster ride, one minute I was euphoric and the other I was buried under the ground. I have learned several lessons when I went through them all. Thank you for pushing me towards the end of the turbulence, the sandstorm and the night. I know it was because of you that I survived it all. I believe that I am stronger now. There is this transition that I noticed within me. You gave me a stronger heart and a wiser mind. Thank you.
But then I have to apologize because before I realized all of this, I questioned and doubted your will. Even to the point of letting things be, thinking that your will will still pursue whether or not I act on it. It did. But the results are horrendous because I was hanging by a string most of the time. I promise to do my best now. I promise to push myself harder than before.
***
Dear You,
You did it again. Please do not disturb my peace that I have sought and fought for. I hope and pray that you are happy now because I am even now that I have accepted that you will no longer be a part of my life. It actually feels good to be alone. You see I am now again in the process of finding myself and finding something, I never knew, that I am still looking for. It is crazy to look for something that you are not even aware of what it is.
But then, losing you actually made me realize that life moves on. You were never the center of my universe and I regret thinking that you were. I just cannot stop because you are gone because you never defined happiness, although I did entertain that thought. The part that made this all difficult is that side of me who is easily emotionally attached. I am now in the process of decreasing its intensity because I noticed how it nearly destroyed me. Before, I thought that having a soft heart can save the world. It was wrong, in the movies, they are the ones who are first killed. I nearly had that fate because of you. Thank you for letting me go.
And then I have to end this, because I have to review.
I might not forget those times that we had and the feeling of being in it. But then I have to move on and realize that there is more to life than the thought of you. You are just that boy I once thought I loved. Loved because I can only love one man whom I thought was you but then it appears you are not that so I believe I am taking it all back. I did not plan this but you started deleting everything. Something that made you more and more "bitter" that how I feel. Gee. Why? Its not like I am someone to be super erased. Did you actually think that I would run back to you after all this? No. You are so wrong. I am far better than what you think of me. After you did a sort of closure-letter, which was very very disappointing because people talk personally and technology is just used for convenience in terms of speed, you were here last November and you did not even try to talk to me? Then you sent me a closure letter? Over a facebook message? Where is maturity for that. Until now, I feel ashamed of my love life.because of the shallowness of some man. You cannot and will not even talk to me and you call yourself a man.
Well maybe I am just not that girl. I pray for that best for you and I hope you do the same for me.
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