What am I doing? This is ruining everything. Although, I always believed in the principle of inflicting pain to remove pain, I never thought I would come back to this place again.
I am so disappointed with myself. Why? When shall this stop. I am again doing something major. I am starting to be scared of the consequences of such things I could make. Yes, I know that it is wrong but is the only way I know of. I am so free, it overwhelms me. and in pain that all I do is numb myself. I hate this I hate you.
Yes, I know that flirting is not the answer. Since, I am the kind that runs away when things get awkward. And well, this feels so pathetic, being powerless over these things. When I must be acting like all these is nothing. Well, at least now, I stopped crying, sometimes, but what do I do?
1. Divert. Laugh at myself. I am so tired of drinking and smoking too much!
2. Him and him. hello. n=Not so. I do not like those types.
3. Stop it. I have a question. Do I have to keep all his memories? Do I have to burn them? Why do I have the feeling that he will be mine again? Will it come true? I dolove him still but this sounds pathetic. It has to end. And I regret the consequences of my actions even now that I am about to do them all. Or not. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ambivalence is a symptom of a psychotic disorder. hmm
Dear You,
hey. how are you? im missing you and hating you at the same time. hahaha now that i cried for a guy. i pray to god that this ends as soon as possible. because damn this is not me, yes i want you back even just to feel that you do exist from afar. but you cannot do that! i really guess so that the ideal man is gay. dear you, just pack a bag and come back before i do it! hahaha love ,me
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