seeing you go there. makes me vomit. makes me escape the appreciation of beauty and all the principles of aesthetics go falling and breaking on the ground.

things to do: stroll around and hahave funn
go there and have another funn
say that you love me.

i am crazy today. i am transferring to another school again. i have thought of it for some time. it is not that i do not like the old school but just, you know, me-bored and clumsy and impulsive... so i am here at another Institution. see, i actually do have some whims about my old school and to sum it up it is: i do not like being around people who have unstable decisions... the fact that i am here and they are up there puts me in a place that gives no right to question. and whatever i may say to today they would just dissmiss it. i am always wrong but i think, otherwise. school should be fun!

i am crazy today, i gave my Beatles book to a person i am not close to. but oh well-for the beatles!

The Lord of the Rings

"when the heart is starting to understand that there is no turning back"- frodo baggins

well, i have repeated watching this movie so many times, and it is not like watching Pride and Prejudice. this Trilogy really gets me frozen in my seat whenever it starts playing. why? because of the symbolism contained in it and there's just so many of it.

it is kind of an out of date movie but what the hell, Tolkien died and a lot of people started reading it, then some thought of making it a movie. it just breaks my heart, how everyone killed and died for that effin ring. hate it or not, shit happens. people become who they are when they are standing in a very very thin string, when strings are already thin. then we start gripping on anything.

well, the part that i really love most is The Return of the King. the last part, where Arwyn and Aragorn finally laid eyes on each other. i wish i had been there- it is the best love story i have ever witnessed. the whole sense of it was -they were able to wait.

then there was friendship. people not letting go even if you shake their assess and sting them, still they won't ever let go. and even if the best thing to do is to leave, but you just would not. i think Sam Wise was the portrayal of what people "should" be- judge, hate, or curse, doubt or do anything, but never leave a friend behind because that was not the reason you became friends -remember the time you both cracked into a laughter that nobody could stop.-countless right?

i think, the ring represented lust- since lust is a bit sexual and i am a big supporter of S. Freud and people just would do anything/everything, even stabbing from behind. i learned that "if only" life would have been better. i started understanding what i have read somewhere, that when the time of a person to die is near, it is not achievements, wealth...that they really ponder on during moments but how much they have loved, how they loved.

and again, i will watch the Lord of the Rings and say more.

reflections

"just when i thought giving up it the answer, i changed my mind."

yesterday, i played soccer with my cousins. and i really did not know how. all i knew was the game was all about kicking and running. that, i can do. so i went there not merely for the game but mostly for the picture-taking and the food. well, it was pretty fun. since all of us love talking, the game started with lots and lots of debates about this and that. even if reg invited a referee- we ended up sending him away because he might not get along. see, i think in our family, everybody thinks they are right, so in debates, a person who is not used to being around people like us, would be astounded. it is not really that easy to explain unless you go see. haha. having said that, the soccer game we played was so noisy. i mean the first time i saw a ball flying towards me, i screamed. then, the when i was a goalee, i can still see the ball in the air and i can hear all of them shouting "caaaatch!!!!" that's it.

right now, my muscles all over aches. but i did have a good time. then after the game we went to my uncle's house for snacks, which ended up to a dinner.

i would have chosen not to go but for a change, arlene. get a life. i would have chosen this and that. i remember that conversation with tomas when he asked, what is your favorite advertisement?" and i answered "the one with the line, look ma! i got dirty... but i learned."

and a lot more thoughts follow...